to never know...

Sometimes, the hardest thing is never getting an answer to the questions that burn within you. 

Even when you ask and you have to let go of the expectations and accept, willingly, that you will never know. 

and then...

eventually...

you learn to be okay with that ~

Because that's all that you can do.

it's ok

Tonight, it's ok. 
I can let go and accept things that I don't want to. 
I'm not saying that I don't care, that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't hurt...or won't keep hurting. Because I do, it does and it does again...and it will.
But it's okay.
I can let it go. 
What is in our lives and meant to be here will happen and be around on it's own. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
So. 
Have a good night. 

..

Today, I'm struggling. I know, I always come here when I am. This is my safe place. I feel badly sometimes, if your only impression of me is what you find here then it's a very skewed view. I laugh alot, I find humor and a connection in and between just about everything that happens in my life. But here, this is where I can release some of the sadness that I can't figure out, put the thoughts that sit deep inside out for some air. Okay, most of those posts sit as drafts and will likely never see the light of day. That's ok. 

Today, I don't want to let go. I don't want to accept. Today, I want to beat that bitch door down and take something that I want. But I won't. It isn't mine to take, if it was for me then it would bring itself over willingly...and despite all of my open ideas, there are some rules that are untouchable. That's another conversation. 

But I'm smiling an honest smile, I still find life wonderful, even when the tears are right there. 

Thanks, blog. Thanks, spammers. Do your thing on my thoughts, you poops. And I'll just come back in and delete your efforts. 

Off to work now. Ta.

Smile

Tony Bennett

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

after awhile...after awhile you read this again and the tears come...again. For awhile.

I came across this the other day, while searching for something quite different, and it struck a chord. 

After A While 

Veronica A. Shoffstall 

After a while you learn 

the subtle difference between 

holding a hand and chaining a soul 

and you learn 

that love doesn't mean leaning 

and company doesn't always mean security. 

And you begin to learn 

that kisses aren't contracts 

and presents aren't promises 

and you begin to accept your defeats 

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman, 

not the grief of a child 

and you learn 

to build all your roads on today 

because tomorrow's ground is 

too uncertain for plans 

and futures have a way of falling down 

in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn 

that even sunshine burns 

if you get too much 

so you plant your own garden 

and decorate your own soul 

instead of waiting for someone 

to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure 

you really are strong 

you really do have worth 

and you learn 

and you learn 

with every goodbye, you learn...

journey on

when you come across a song that just sums up what's in your heart and on your mind at the moment

Diana Krall

Wide River To Cross

another Christmas is coming

Put the gun away, I'm just pointing it out. 

Many people are talking about canceling Christmas. I understand what they mean. If you don't have money and all your are used to doing with this holiday is shopping and giving purchased gifts, then it seems pointless and stressful. 

But it isn't about that. Even if you consider yourself non-religious, part of the new movement of Kindness, etc, then the symbolism of the great gift is one to observe. The teachings of Christ center around love and acceptance and are beautiful and worthy of understanding. 

It is a time of warmth and companionship, the mark of Winter beginning signals the end of the slow descent into dark and decay that Autumn can be. The days slowly begin to gain sunlight hours again, the decay becomes a restful rejuvenation, gearing up toward the bursting forth of life that we call Spring. I enjoy Winter immensely. It is a fabulous season and also worthy of celebrating. 

New Year is one of my most favorite days. I used to dread the coming of the new year, starting over, just when I'd gotten used to how things were. But several years ago there was a very difficult year...beyond difficult. And suddenly, the symbolism of leaving the old year behind and starting fresh and new was very clear. Since then, it's anticipated. :) That isn't to say that the years have all been bad and need gotten rid of, not in the least. 

So, this coming season of warmth in the winter, gathering as friends when darkness closes in early, gearing down toward a more restful moment before the windup to spring begins, shedding the old and bidding it farewell, welcoming all things new, even if it's only your view and attitude of the people and circumstances in your life...those that we wouldn't choose to lose we can appreciate anew.

We sing the winter songs, we decorate the tree, we put up lots of twinkle lights...or rather, trade out the ones that have been burning out from never being put away...because we don't. We also never take our tree down. 

So, Welcome the season of fellowship and kindness. Don't worry about shopping. Give the gift of yourself, always when you can. Bake cookies for friends, or cinnamon rolls, or rake leaves, or knit a hat, or just give a hug...

Keep the beauty of this season. 

Merry Christmas (To all of the world)

Jean Beauvoir

(just coz I like it)

Sometimes...

Haven't posted for a bit.
Sometimes, there is too much that begs to be said and I will not. I refuse. So, until that urge has passed, I need to stay quiet. Not for my sake, necessarily. But that doesn't matter here.
Send me thoughts for courage, please.
Thank you.
Blessings ~

a thought.
This allegory always comes to mind when I am in a situation that is likely to be a repeat performance. I agree that without awareness and work, we all tend to follow a certain path of behavior. But I also believe that WITH awareness and work, we can change, control, our reactions and actions. Sometimes, I am the frog. Sometimes, I am the scorpion. Almost always, an observer.
Point is, no matter what situation we're in, no matter what we feel instinctively to do, we can make a choice and take control. It isn't easy to break the rut, I totally know that one. I have to work on it all the time, gets exhausting sometimes! But it's generally worth it. 
Attributed to Aesop, this is a condensed version:


Now, I'm going to tell you about a scorpion. This scorpion wanted to cross a river, so he asked a frog to carry him. 

"No," said the frog, "no thank you. If I let you on my back you may sting me, and the sting of the scorpion is death."

"Now where," asked the scorpion, "is the logic of that?" for scorpions would try to be logical. "If I sting you, you will die, I will drown." 

So the frog was convinced to allow the scorpion on his back. But, just in the middle of the river, he felt a terrible pain and realized that, after all, the scorpion had stung him. 

"Logic!" cried the dying frog as he started under, taking the scorpion down with him. "There is no logic in this!" 

"I know," said the scorpion, "but I can't help it. It's my character.

New Day For You

Basia

(doesn't completely apply, but there's no bad reason for Basia, ever. It's always good)

Hello again it's me 

Your shoulder's where I sit

The half nobody sees,

of a silent partnership

I am here your help at hand

I'm never far away

A clear view from where I stand

I'll be there if you need me 

I am your helping hand

My words you've heard them all before

It's only for the sake of love

It's gonna be a new day for you

A new day for you

The stars have played their part

The past is gone and done

Have more faith in love

The best is yet to come

So what is this I hear? 

You deserve a break 

Take time to think it out

Don't make a new mistake

I am here, your help at hand

It's gonna be a new day for you

A new day for you,new day for you,new day for you

The stars have played their part

The past is gone and done

Have more faith in love

The best is yet to come

My words you've heard them all before

It's only for the sake of love

The stars have played their part

The past is gone and done

Have more faith in love

The best is 

It's gonna be a new day for you

A new day for you,new day for you,new day for you

It's gonna be a new day for you

A new day for you,new day for you,new day for you

Hello again it's me

It's the little things....

Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things. 

Frank Clark

Little things seem nothing, but they give peace, like those meadow flowers which individually seem odorless but all together perfume the air. 

Georges Bernanos

My results ...

Once again, sharing the info. It's practice for me. I can't believe how hard this is for me to post. 

My personality type is ENFJ. I'm relieved to find that a good amount of the "issues" for this personality type I have worked hard to overcome already, in particular the judgement aspects. It's hard for me to NOT see other's points of view, although it can take me some question asking to get the full picture. I run into problems there sometimes, as the asking may seem like probing...it could be called that, i suppose, but my only motive is to understand, not to form judgments. 

I am also not "fussy" over my home environment, overall, anymore. I struggled with OCD quite a bit when I was younger, and good healthy doses of therapy helped kill that, except in times of extreme stress. Then, it becomes an exercise in regaining a sense of control, just for my own self. 

I DO tend to become too dark in my thoughts if I'm alone too often. I'm aware of it, and work to haul myself out of it. I am not my own best company. 

I DO struggle to see all the sides of a picture when I am involved. I immediately jump to a sad, bad conclusion and then bring myself out of it. I DO blame myself. For just about everything. I DO wish for someone who can reach in and touch that part of me that I don't let anyone into, but I keep them out. It's hard to trust. And when they can't get in, I feel like I am drowning in the aloneness of it all. But, that's stuff to work on. Life is a journey and a process, if I'm all done learning and growing, then I guess I'd be done here. Not quite ready for that to happen yet! 

Okay. Copy\paste of a few pages regarding the ENFJ, the good, bad, ugly. 

Early PS (there is a link, I hope it works, at the end for the other types. I hope you find it interesting enough to pursue checking into your own type and learning more about what you do and why you do it ~ if you want to!)

Portrait of an ENFJ - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition) 

---

The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.
Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.
ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.
ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.
Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.
The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.
People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.
ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.
In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.
ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.
ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.
ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.
An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.
In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Extraverted Feeling

Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition

Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing

Inferior: Introverted Thinking

     

ENFJ Relationships

---

ENFJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some extent, the ENFJ defines themself by the closeness and authenticity of their personal relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of relationships. They have very good people skills, and are affectionate and considerate. They are warmly affirming and nurturing. The excel at bringing out the best in others, and warmly supporting them. They want responding affirmation from their relationships, although they have a problem asking for it. When a situation calls for it, the ENFJ will become very sharp and critical. After having made their point, they will return to their natural, warm selves. They may have a tendency to "smother" their loved ones, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and caring natures.

---

ENFJ Strengths

---

Most ENFJs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:

• Good verbal communication skills
• Very perceptive about people's thoughts and motives
• Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
• Warmly affectionate and affirming
• Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
• Good money skills
• Able to "move on" after a love relationship has failed (although they blame themselves)
• Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
• Strive for "win-win" situations
• Driven to meet other's needs

---

ENFJ Weaknesses

---

Most ENFJs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationships issues:

• Tendency to be smothering and over-protective
• Tendency to be controling and/or manipulative
• Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
• Tend to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
• Sometimes unaware of social appropriateness or protocol
• Extremely sensitive to conflict, with a tendency to sweep things under the rug as an avoidance tactic
• Tendency to blame themselves when things go wrong, and not give themselves credit when things go right
• Their sharply defined value systems make them unbending in some areas
• They may be so attuned to what is socially accepted or expected that they're unable to assess whether something is "right" or "wrong" outside of what their social circle expects.

---

ENFJs as Lovers

---

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May
ENFJs make warm, committed lovers who are willing to go to great lengths for the sake of "The Relationship". They're totally dedicated to the relationship, and to their partner, and have a special skill for warmth and affirmation which brings out the best in their mates. They take their commitments seriously, and are likely to put forth a lot of effort into making a relationship work once they have commited themselves to it. In the event that a relationship fails, the ENFJ will feel a lot of guilt, and take on blame for the failure, but they will move on with their lives with relative ease, without looking backwards.

Since relationships are central to the ENFJ's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.

Sexually, the ENFJ looks forward to intimacy as an opportunity to express love and caring. The ENFJ is generally very interested in the happiness and satisfaction of their partner. Because they achieve much of their personal satisfaction from making others happy, they're likely to be skilled lovers. Like other Judgers, the ENFJ is likely to follow a schedule for intimacy, and may be prone to becoming routinized. For the ENFJ, the most important aspect of a sexual encounter is the affirmation of love and affection.

Although the ENFJ will probably not ask for it, they need to be given sweet words and loving affirmation. Since they are so externally focused on serving people, they do not always pay attention to their own needs. Since much of their personal satisfaction comes from bringing happiness to others, they're able to ignore their own needs and still be happy much more easily than other types. However, if they focus entirely on giving without doing some taking, they may find themselves in an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship. They need to work on being aware of their needs, and being OK with verbalizing those needs to their partners.

A problem area for ENFJs in relationships is their very serious dislike of conflict. ENFJs will prefer to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also likely to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFJ needs to realize that the world will not end if there is a disagreement, and that dealing with things immediately initiates closure. Ignoring issues will not make them go away.

In general, the ENFJ is intensely and enthusiastically involved in their personal relationships. They bring fun and warmth into the equation, and are willing to work hard to make things work.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENFJ's natural partner is the INFP, or the ISFP. ENFJ's dominant function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Introverted Feeling. An ENFJ and INFP are ideally matched, because they share the Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENFJ and ISFP are also a very good match. How did we arrive at this?

---

ENFJs as Parents

---

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

ENFJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of passing on values and goals to their children as paramount, and will strive to consistently be a good role model to their children. The ENFJ considers it their responsibility to make sure that their children turn out well. This characteristic, combined with the ENFJ's definite values and ideas about the way things should be, usually results in the ENFJ parent being rather strict, and having high expectations for the behavior of their children. On the other hand, the ENFJ is also warm and affectionate with their children, and very supportive and affirming. The ENFJ can also be counted on to take care of day-to-day necessities for their children.

It is not usually easy to be the child of an ENFJ. The ENFJ's life focus is centered in the sphere of relationships. They take their relationship roles very seriously. They are very "hands-on" in relationships, always monitoring it's progress. This behavior may be smothering to some individuals. ENFJs have very definite value systems, and well-defined ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Since they believe that part of their parental role involves passing their values and ideas to their children, and since they are so concerned and involved with their children, the ENFJ has a tendency to be a strict, controling parent, who is very aware of their children's actions. The ENFJ needs to remember to allow their children the room for growth which is necessary if they are to evolve into healthy, well-adjusted adults. With a bit of effort, it will be possible for the ENFJ to balance their need to pass their values and ideals down to their children with their children's need to develop as individuals.

The ENFJ will put forth a good amount of effort to make their children's home environment warm, comforting and cheerful. They will be ready with a kiss and a baid-aid for any hurt. Their normal attitude towards their children will be loyal, proud, warm, and affirming.

As is the case with most types, ENFJ parents may have problems with their children as they reach puberty. Their children will need more space at that age, and will begin to resent the over-protective tendencies of the ENFJ. This problem will be magnified in situations where the ENFJ is very manipulative. Since ENFJs are gifted with exceptional people skills and personal presence, some ENFJ individuals who are not supported by life's circumstances get into the habit of using these skills for personal gain to get what they want or need out of situations. As they grow older, their children will inevitably see the manipulative tendencies for what they are, and will begin to question their parents' value systems, and strongly resent being forced to comply with a set of values which may be somewhat hippocritical. The manipulative ENFJ, who still has strongly-held values which they are driven to pass to their children, may then find themselves "a day late and a dollar short". As an ENFJ, your best bet is to be aware of your type's manipulative tendancies and to make every effort that you are not using them in a negative way.

Usually, the ENFJ has nothing but the best intentions with regards to their children. They are remembered by their children as very warm and supportive (although strict), and are valued for passing on their goals and ideals.

---

ENFJs as Friends

---

ENFJs are warm, sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings and perspectives. They enjoy supporting and bringing out the best in others. They are energetic and fun to be with. They seek authenticity in their close relationships, and are very sensitive to the needs of others. All of these characteristics make the ENFJ valued by their peers as a warm, supportive and giving friend.

ENFJs are interested in all sorts of people, and are likely to be able to understand and relate to all of the personality types. The will excel at getting along with all sorts of people when the situation demands that they do so. However, they will not choose to spend their personal time around all of the types. They may resist spending a lot of time with Sensing Perceiving types, whose carefree "live for the moment" attitude may conflict with the ENFJ's strongly held value system. When seeking companionship that is not romantic, ENFJs will be drawn to other Feelers who have similar values and ideas. Since they live in a people-oriented world, they are not comfortable with objective judgments which do not consider people issues. Consequently, ENFJs are not likely to have close friendships with strong Thinking types. They will be likely to especially enjoy the company of other iNtuitive Feelers, as well as Sensing Judgers.

Careers for ENFJ Personality Types

---

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

ENFJs generally have the following traits:

• Genuinely and warmly interested in people
• Value people's feelings
• Value structure and organization
• Value harmony, and good at creating it
• Exceptionally good people skills
• Dislike impersonal logic and analysis
• Strong organizational capabilities
• Loyal and honest
• Creative and imaginative
• Enjoy variety and new challenges
• Get personal satisfaction from helping others
• Extremely sensitive to criticism and discord
• Need approval from others to feel good about themselves

The flexibility of these characteristics leave the ENFJ a lot of leeway in choosing a profession. As long as they're in a supportive environment in which they can work with people and are presented with sufficient diverse challenges to stimulate their creativity, they should do very well.
The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ENFJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed here.

Possible Career Paths for the ENFJ:

Facilitator

Consultant

Psychologist

Social Worker / Counselor

Teacher

Clergy

Sales Representative

Human Resources

Manager

Events Coordinator

Sales Representative

Politicians / Diplomats

Writers Personal Growth Perhaps the most important realization that an individual can make in their quest for personal growth is that there is no single formula that defines the path to personal success. We all have different goals and priorities, which means that different activities and attitudes will make us feel good about ourselves. We also have different natural strengths and weaknesses that are a part of our inherent personality type. How then, as individuals, can we feel successful in our lives? Understand What's Important to You Each personality type has a different idea of what it means to be successful. Self-knowledge is one common goal that will help everyone achieve personal success. So many people are hung up on somebody else's idea of what it means to be successful, and they are unaware of what is truly important to them. This is completely normal. We all have important role-models and influencers in our lives who may have basic values that are quite different from our own. If this is the case, it's important to recognize that the discrepancy between what we have been taught is truly important and what we personally believe to be truly important is due to a difference in perspective. If we spend our time and effort trying to meet somebody else's idea of success, and ignore or belittle any conflicting messages from our own psyche, then we will find ourselves exhausted and unhappy. Realizing what is truly important to us is a major step towards achieving personal success. Recognize Your Weaknesses Without Hiding Behind Them While improving our self-knowledge and realizing our true goals can be very liberating, we should not discard the rules of the society in which we live. We must recognize that other people's value systems are no less important than our own. And we must recognize and accept that we live in a society in which certain personality types and behaviors are more suited towards particular tasks. This is the second key that will open the door towards personal growth. For example, there are situations in which it is more appropriate and effective to show compassion and caring (Feeling), rather than impersonal logic (Thinking). Likewise, there are situations that call for using impersonal logic to make a decision, in which the more subjective viewpoint of the Feeling function is inappropriate and ineffective. Persons with a preference for Feeling will have a natural advantage over Thinkers in situations that require compassion and awareness of other's emotions. Conversely, persons with a preference for Thinking will have a natural advantage over Feelers in situations that require the ability to make a decision based on impersonal data. As we learn about our personality type and the types of others, we are empowered with an understanding of why people react differently in different situations. When put into the context of Psychological Type, we can better accept and understand people's behaviors that are different from ours. These insights are extremely useful and powerful to us as individuals. However, if we are concerned with growing as individuals, we must take care not to use personality type as an excuse for our inappropriate behavior. While it's powerful and useful to notice that another person's inappropriate behavior may be due to their personality type, we cannot use the same reasoning on ourselves. We should recognize that our personality type has weaknesses, but we must use that knowledge to conquer those weaknesses rather than to excuse poor behavior. We cannot be responsible for other people's behavior, but we can control our own. Accordingly, if we notice that someone seems to be unable to make an impersonal decision that is isolated from human perspective, we should say to ourselves, "Ah ha, here is a Feeler. This person does not use Thinking well, and that is why they're behaving this way." Yet when we as Feelers are presented with a situation that requires an impersonal approach, we should NOT say to ourselves "I am a Feeler, and can't be expected to make decisions based purely on impersonal facts and logic." This kind of rationalization for behavior is certainly an easy way out of a situation, but it enforces the weakness, making it weaker and weaker still. Strive for Balance Most of the weaknesses associated with any given personality type are a result of that type's dominant function overtaking the personality to the extent that the other functions become slaves to the dominant function. Although it is natural for every personality to be ruled by its dominant function, it becomes a problem when the supporting functions are not allowed to develop fully on their own because they are too busy "serving the master". In such cases, a personality can become quite imbalanced. A situation in which the dominant function of a personality completely overshadows the other personality functions is analogous to a kingdom that is ruled by an overbearing king who requires absolute servitude. Imagine such a king sitting down to dinner in his castle. He keeps all of his servants running about to bring him dinner, and requires that they serve him fully (disregarding their own needs) until he is completed sated. His Foreign Minister, who is expected at an important affair at a neighboring kingdom, finds himself pouring ale. His Minister of Domestic Affairs, rather than addressing the issue of a failing economy, slices roast turkey. His staff grabs food for themselves here and there, but never get what they really need or want, and are consequently unsatisfied, malnourished, and underdeveloped. The issues that the staff should be taking care of are left undone, because they never finish their primary task of serving the king. The king's immediate needs are being met, and so he is tolerably happy, but he is an ineffective king. As far as he knows, everything and everybody exists simply to serve him. He has no concept of Success beyond his daily needs. Since he cannot see beyond his own needs, the entire kingdom suffers. Likewise, a personality that has developed with a goal of serving the dominant function above all other considerations often results in a person who is imbalanced. In severe cases, the weaknesses associated with the given type are often quite apparent to others, and overshadow the individual's natural strengths. Such a drastic imbalance is not common, and may be the result of continuous and extreme stress. Most people will experience times in their lives during which they are stressed to the point of serious imbalance. People who experience this constantly have issues that need to be dealt with, and should seek help. Much more commonly, we see individuals who exhibit both the strengths and weaknesses of their type. It is natural and healthy that each personality type is ruled by a dominant function, and that the other functions support the ruling function. We don't seek to change anyone's natural self, or to achieve a perfect balance amongst a personality's functions. By definition, a kingdom needs a king in order to exist, and a personality needs a dominant function. However, a kingdom with a well-developed and effective king (the dominant function), who has well-trained and educated advisors (the supporting functions), will thrive more than the kingdom ruled by a neglectful king who is supported by inexperienced advisors. As we can see, Balance and Success are relative terms. They have different meaning for each of the sixteen personality types. One statement using these terms is true for all types: Balance is the key to Success. Opening the Door So how do we go about realizing what's truly important to us? How do we recognize our weaknesses, and learn not to hide behind them? How do we become balanced? How do we open that magical door that will show us the way to personal growth and success? There is no quickie scheme that will make you a successful person. Psychological Type is a powerful aid in our quest for excellence, but it is not the actual solution. It is a model that will help you to expand your understanding of human nature. An improved understanding of yourself and others will help you to find, follow or expand your path. An awareness and acceptance of the fact that one personality function may be more effective than another function in a given situation will help you to understand the relevance of personal growth to your life. Carl Jung identified a process of personal growth that he called individuation, which is essentially the conscious realization of your true self, beyond the Ego that is presented by your conscious self. Our efforts to help people develop themselves is essentially the effort to help them to realize that their personal perspectives and conscious ideas are only a small part of who they are, and that the more they try to develop and defend this superficial "self", the further they get away from their true Self. This realization helps a psyche in many concrete ways, and is also a positive step towards promoting a psyche that is open to the process of individuation. For the purposes of making this realization accessible to the general public, our writings are mostly void of complex theoretical discussion. To learn more about personal growth for your specific personality type, click on the appropriate link below. Personal Growth and the Sixteen Types        ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers ESTJ - The Guardians ISFJ - The Nurturers ESFJ - The Caregivers ISTP - The Mechanics ESTP - The Doers ESFP - The Performers ISFP - The Artists ENTJ - The Executives INTJ - The Scientists ENTP - The Visionaries INTP - The Thinkers ENFJ - The Givers INFJ - The Protectors ENFP - The Inspirers INFP - The Idealists

     

Jung personality test

It's been awhile since i've taken a personality test, but as I'm in the process of making changes for our lives here, I figured I'd better get a better grip on what I'm good at, from an objective viewpoint, and insight into my weaknesses and possible ways to overcome those. I also didn't want to pay for an extended test, those can get up there in cost, but I went to this particular website:
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/info.html
Here is a copy/paste of the opening page, it gives some explanation as to what the tests are, where they came from and what they can help you with. It's so interesting, and once I got over (enough) the idea that I was being self-indulgent in learning about myself, I've found it helpful again. Check it out!!

Information About Personality Types

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Learn about The Four Preferences in detail
Learn about Keirsey's Temperaments
Get an Overview of the Sixteen Personality Types
Learn about how we develop our Types as we grow
Check out our demographic data from people who have taken The Personality Questionnaire
Check out Political Affiliation and Type Personality typing is a tool with many uses. It's especially notable for it's helpfulness in the areas of growth and self-development. Learning and applying the theories of personality type can be a powerful and rewarding experience, if it is used as a tool for discovery, rather than as a method for putting people into boxes, or as an excuse for behavior.
The sixteen personality types which we use in our assessment are based on the well-known research of Carl Jung, Katharine C. Briggs, and Isabel Briggs Myers. Carl Jung first developed the theory that individuals each had a psychological type. He believed that there were two basic kinds of "functions" which humans used in their lives: how we take in information (how we "perceive" things), and how we make decisions. He believed that within these two categories, there were two opposite ways of functioning. We can perceive information via 1) our senses, or 2) our intuition. We can make decisions based on 1) objective logic, or 2) subjective feelings. Jung believed that we all use these four functions in our lives, but that each individual uses the different functions with a varying amount of success and frequency. He believed that we could identify an order of preference for these functions within individuals. The function which someone uses most frequently is their "dominant" function. The dominant function is supported by an auxiliary (2nd) function, tertiary (3rd) function, and inferior (4th) function. He asserted that individuals either "extraverted" or "introverted" their dominant function. He felt that the dominant function was so important, that it overshadowed all of the other functions in terms of defining personality type. Therefore, Jung defined eight personality types:

1. Extraverted Sensing (modern types: ESFP, ESTP)
2. Introverted Sensing (modern types: ISTJ, ISFJ)
3. Extraverted Intuition (modern types: ENFP, ENTP)
4. Introverted Intuition (modern types: INFJ, INTJ)
5. Extraverted Thinking (modern types: ESTJ, ENTJ)
6. Introverted Thinking (modern types: ISTP, INTP)
7. Extraverted Feeling (modern types: ESFJ, ENFJ)
8. Introverted Feeling (modern types: INFP, ISFP)

Katharine Briggs expounded upon Jung's work, quietly working in silence and developing his theories further. But it was Katharine's daughter Isabel who was really responsible for making the work on Personality Types visible. Isabel, using her mother's work and Jung's work, asserted the importance of the auxiliary function working with the dominant function in defining Personality Type. While incorporating the auxiliary function into the picture, it became apparent that there was another distinctive preference which hadn't been defined by Jung: Judging and Perceiving. The developed theory today is that every individual has a primary mode of operation within four categories:

1. our flow of energy
2. how we take in information
3. how we prefer to make decisions
4. the basic day-to-day lifestyle that we prefer

Within each of these categories, we "prefer" to be either:

1. Extraverted or Introverted
2. Sensing or iNtuitive
3. Thinking or Feeling
4. Judging or Perceiving

We all naturally use one mode of operation within each category more easily and more frequently than we use the other mode of operation. So, we are said to "prefer" one function over the other. The combination of our four "preferences" defines our personality type. Although everybody functions across the entire spectrum of the preferences, each individual has a natural preference which leans in one direction or the other within the four categories.Our Flow of Energy defines how we receive the essential part of our stimulation. Do we receive it from within ourselves (Introverted) or from external sources (Extraverted)? Is our dominant function focused externally or internally?
The topic of how we Take in Information deals with our preferred method of taking in and absorbing information. Do we trust our five senses (Sensing) to take in information, or do we rely on our instincts (iNtuitive)?
The third type of preference, how we prefer to Make Decisions, refers to whether we are prone to decide things based on logic and objective consideration (Thinking), or based on our personal, subjective value systems (Feeling).
These first three preferences were the basis of Jung's theory of Personalty Types. Isabel Briggs Myers developed the theory of the fourth preference, which is concerned with how we deal with the external world on a Day-to-day Basis. Are we organized and purposeful, and more comfortable with scheduled, structured environments (Judging), or are we flexible and diverse, and more comfortable with open, casual environments (Perceiving)? From a theoretical perspective, we know that if our highest Extraverted function is a Decision Making function, we prefer Judging. If our highest Extraverted function is an Information Gathering function, we prefer Perceiving.

Personality Types Today

The theory of Personality Types, as it stand today, contends that:
An individual is either primarily Extraverted or Introverted
An individual is either primarily Sensing or iNtuitive
An individual is either primarily Thinking or Feeling
An individual is either primarily Judging or Perceiving
The possible combinations of the basic preferences form 16 different Personality Types. This does not mean that all (or even most) individuals will fall strictly into one category or another. If we learn by applying this tool that we are primarily Extraverted, that does not mean that we don't also perform Introverted activities. We all function in all of these realms on a daily basis. As we grow and learn, most of us develop the ability to function well in realms which are not native to our basic personalities. In the trials and tribulations of life, we develop some areas of ourselves more throughly than other areas. With this in mind, it becomes clear that we cannot box individuals into prescribed formulas for behavior. However, we can identify our natural preferences, and learn about our natural strengths and weaknesses within that context.
The theory of Personality Types contends that each of us has a natural preference which falls into one category or the other in each of these four areas, and that our native Personality Type indicates how we are likely to deal with different situations that life presents, and in which environments we are most comfortable.
Learning about our Personality Type helps us to understand why certain areas in life come easily to us, and others are more of a struggle. Learning about other people's Personality Types help us to understand the most effective way to communicate with them, and how they function best.

Practical Application for Personality Types

Career Guidance What types of tasks are we most suited to perform? Where are we naturally most happy?

Managing Employees How can we best understand an employee's natural capabilities, and where they will find the most satisfaction?

Inter-personal Relationships How can we improve our awareness of another individual's Personality Type, and therefore increase our understanding of their reactions to situations, and know how to best communicate with them on a level which they will understand?

Education How can we develop different teaching methods to effectively educate different types of people?

Counselling How we can help individuals understand themselves better, and become better able to deal with their strengths and weaknesses?Learn about The Four Preferences in detail
Learn about Keirsey's Temperaments
Get an Overview of the Sixteen Personality Types
Learn about how we develop our Types as we grow
Check out our demographic data from people who have taken The Personality Questionnaire

Just an ordinary day of simply living ~ EDITS

Chronicle of today (in retrospect, so...)
11/4/12
12 AM

*Watched episode 4 of Ken Burns' The West
*Made a list of what needed done today
*Fell asleep (right??) - on couch due to paint fumes in room
*Woke up, sent text to daughter 2 to remind her to sleep, and text to friend...i think...(4 AM or 5, depending on when you changed your time)
*Changed time on a couple clocks
*Let dogs out
*Drank water...i mention it coz it was ALOT of water. I had falled alseep with the heat on, which I never do.
*Slept
*Woke up, 8:30
*Dogs out
*Made coffee
*Unloaded dishwasher, started load of laundry
*Ate breakfast...protein bar...what? They're good, actually. And vitamins. I take 'em all the freaking time. 
*Moving down the list, tackle garage. Well, parts of garage.
*Post a picture to a friend's wall, hoping it will be a boost.
*Drag bags of clothes into house to dump out and sort
*Remembered adapter cord I needed to look for, dug out box, FOUND IT!!! 
*Text friend who needs it to make arrangements to take it over
*Into house...
*Who the hell brought orange M&M's into this house????
 oh.
 me.
 right.
*Ate them. It was a mercy killing. 
*Did 200 crunches, ran stairs 4 complete times, 200 leg lifts
*Let dogs out
*Continued with clothes sorting. 
*Messages with daughters while sorting, Thanksgiving dinner plans, clothes, plans for day
*Took pictures of boots for older daughter. 
*Let dogs in. 
*Saw facebook post of some wiseguys breakfast (looked GOOD), remembered to pull roast from freezer.
*Put roast in microwave to defrost
*Text from boss to check email regarding next schedule set
*Responded to posts on wall
*Checked email
*Much singing and dancing while doing this. House to myself so I didn't have to keep the volume down at all.
*Put schedule on calendar.
*Put roast in crockpot, chopped vegetables, added
*Cooked wild rice in squash...wild idea that if I blended the liquid with the squash and cooked the rice in it with seasoning then I could sneak some extra stuff into daughter's diet...it came out really great and she ate it, so I call it a success!
*Got 2nd text from boss, reminder to respond to email. Responded.
*Sent more emails regarding costumes from theatre company I used to work with that are still here. 
*Dinner underway, back to clothes.
*Sorting (there were about 10 bags, yeesh).
*Changed laundry around. 
*Realized I needed some boxes for these clothes. Bags for ones being offered to older daughter.
*While searching for boxes I found old Avon papers, empty boxes
****LOTS OF RECYCLING****
*Made pile of boxes to save for moving
*Found a couple to use for clothes
*Brought more projects in
*Changed music channels
*Counseled friend
*Counseled 2nd friend
*Cried a little...just wanted a hug and a pat on the head with a "there there" attached to it(it's a girl thing...we need these things...or we go to chocolate, if you like. Other things if you don't)
*Switched more laundry. Folded load, put away.
*Cleaned catbox. 
*Swept floors.
*Loaded car
*Took garbage out
*Got cleaned up (aka, did hair, makeup, got changed)
*Left to pick up Mini from friend's house
*Turned Seahawks game on, and drove slowly...took the long way :)
*Got Mini
*Dropped off things found at a friend's house
*Headed north to take care of some business
*Lost control of the radio, doggone it. But Mini had good music to share, nice bonding.
*Notice the return of Snow Geese and Swans along the way
*45 miles later, can't get down street
*Street closed due to filming of commercial
*Park up street along river
*See how amazing river is, glad I brought multiple cameras along
*Walk down to place I need to be, go in, meet a verrrrry interesting person who didn't want to do what she was doing, were told to come back later, check game stats while waiting. Love our qb, don't care if people say he's too short. He sounds big over radio. :)
*Walk down street toward filming area
*Notice ALOT OF ZOMBIES
*Stop just outside filming area, talk with extras
*Take pictures of actors, have nice conversations
*Watch for a bit
*Answer texts from younger daughter's bf's mom
*Walk up hill back toward river
*Take pictures of very full, very swift Skagit River
*Walk uptown a bit, back down for different view of film area
*Pictures of band
*Head to mall to kill time while waiting
*Go through mall, see how many stores are shut down...Teriyaki place with big boat plates is still open, loved that. :)
*Head back to old theatre for business
*Get mini food
*Park on next block, walk to theatre. Almost dark now.
*Take care of business
*Leave, walk back toward film area to see what's up. 
*Take photos of common area along block.
*Packing up film area, so we turn and go back toward car.
*Awesome lighting on old theatre, stop to grab a couple pictures.
*WIND IS SERIOUSLY BLOWING - it always is up there anyway, but this was enough to actually stop movement during the gusts. Love it! Miss that!
*Back to car, answer texts from older daughter
*Head home
*Pain in the rear to drive, heading right into the wind
*Get into Marysville, stop at Redbox for Avengers movie
*Get movie, go home.
*Let dogs out
*Get changed
*Check laundry
*Dish dinner
*Send, answer msgs
*Eat dinner
*Clean kitchen
*Plan lists for tomorrow
*Listen to frog outside window.
*Went online, noticed previous post to friend ignored, message received, post removed. Okey dokey. I see. 
*Upload photos
*Work online
*Hug daughter awhile
*Dogs again
*Check on one kitty, she's calling oddly from upstairs
*Terrible small dog into crate, she ate a shoe
*Worked online more
*Called it a day for all that
*Switched stuff off
*Plugged in computer
*Came here, checked stats
*Listed this entry
TaDa.
*Slow to moderate day. 

Don't like the darkness coming early, not going to lie at all. Just get me past my birthday, get me to Dec 21 and the days start getting longer again. I DO like that it is lighter in the mornings right now, it's nicer to not leave in the dark at the start of the day. :)

Still ignored by other friend. Realize that I must not be a friend. Gotta let it go. 

Always hurts when people walk away, but it happens often enough I guess I should be getting used to it. Kind of sad heading off to bed, but do some meditating and refocusing and feeling better. :)

Song:

Ray Of Light

Madonna

Have a good one

Until later