I don't like that feeling.
At all.
Work is good. Busy. I like that. That's ok, they are safe spots in my life. Go, do my job, do it well, care about where I am and what I'm doing, go home...eventually. I'm working alot of hours at the moment, but that's fine. It doesn't last forever, make hay while the sun shines and all.
Older daughter has had a rough go, in between jobs, stressed. Her guy is in the same boat(edit, this is resolved). Younger daughter switched schools at semester, we are switching back tomorrow. Heart broken situation, it is so hard to see your children hurting(edit, also resolved, and there's a new boy...i did say i can't keep up, right?). It's a part of life, obviously...but I can't help but wish I could protect them from pain.
Their dad is trying to be in their lives in a larger way. This isn't a stress point at all for me, just interesting to observe, and to facilitate. I'd like that to happen, it has potential to be a good thing for all 3 of them. Whether or not it does become that good thing is entirely up to them(edit, he finally just approached younger with "how would you feel if i remarried?"...her response, "aren't you already?"...be interesting to see where this goes).
A former relationship had been in contact lately, and that had been a bit tough. Valentine's Day was an anniversary date, but it came and went and I spent time at the beach enjoying the air, the water, the peace. It can't be, for the same reasons that it ended in the first, and second place. I'm not the right woman for him, or he wouldn't have left...and left again. For all of the things that have happened and been said and proclaimed to feel, nothing has changed. Except me. And so.
I'm in a challenge group, 1000 miles in 2013. At just over 130 miles so far(edit, 160 now). Better weather and more daylight will help with that alot. The treadmill contingency has the upper hand, for sure! :)
I'm so grateful for friendships. I have a few people that I consider very good friends. They keep me going on the hard days, likely they don't even know it. But I am beyond grateful to them, for them. They are strong, amazing, incredible people. I don't ever want them to know how crappy the crap days are, so that pushes me to get through them. I know that probably doesn't sound quite right, but I am not comfortable putting things on people. Hence, blog.
And music! Good golly, I love music. Saves my immortal soul.
and writing...that book is almost edited. It's happening, i can't believe it.
And photography.
And walking, hiking, exercising. Hard. Pushing.
I need to go to bed now.
You know what I miss? I miss that other body in my bed. The breathing, warmth, feeling of life from another person. I don't need it. I'm not pining for anything. But I miss that. It's just how it is.
Good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment