Well, blog. edits and good morning.

Wednesday. Full moon? Not sure...but it feels like one.

It's dump night. Not a bad dump night, just very full. No analysis...maybe a few questions.

I'm on my bed, because sleeping in it...I don't know.
Headphones in, music on. Candles burning.

My legs are burning as well tonight from a hard workout earlier. Feels awful. And awesome.

Daughter. Oh. Well. Always a bit of breathe holding. School is, I hope, good. This program is run for, by and through them, but me. She wants to meet someone. When/if someone is ready, that will be interesting. She can either be her delightful self or her bitchy self. Or both. Rapidly.

Work. Going well. Franchise owner came into our office tonight. He's an odd sort to begin with, and was in an odd spot tonight. We don't usually see him much, his office is in another location. Odd spot, definitely. If I know when he's dropping by again, I won't wear the skirt that I had on today. He liked it, and I didn't like that.

Friends, two doing well, a few falling completely apart. 1 is getting married in a few weeks and has decided to choose to make it work. Another doing well, married and becoming happily so again. A third, married, desperately wants to be happy but her spouse does not. The last, married, having an affair. Husband was going to leave her but has now changed his mind. So has she, hence the affair. And all in places of needing me and my "wisdom" as they call it, tonight.
Poor things.
There is no wisdom. Just a complete refusal to play games, to call something blue that's red.
That's all I am.
I've never sought to be complicated, and I'm not. That throws some people and they look for the lies, the falseness.
There aren't any.
Don't weary me with your doubt over my motives.
Don't try to trick or trap me into revealing what's really going on.
There's no hidden agenda with me.

If you want to know anything, just ask.

I was feeling a bit low after all of that this evening. Hunger but not hungry. Tired but wanting to exercise. Comfortable but vaguely discontented. All of a sudden. I know why. I knew why. I hadn't eaten and needed to...I sent a msg in to another friend, asking then to not fuss at me over it but to please tell me to eat. They did, after a small laugh over the remark that they'd never dare fuss...the msg ended with the comment "eat to give yourself strength, to keep your eyes lit with that glowing light that we all seek to warm our cold souls by."
Drop phone.
Eat dinner.
Cry.
And why cry?
Confusion.
Frustration.
I don't like being noticed like that.
How can anyone seek to warm their cold soul by my eyes? Those words coming to me at a moment when I felt so small, so incapable...
so disappointed at missing a phone call earlier.

Silly woman. That's me.

Anyway.

So here. On my bed.
Music.
Candles.
Blanket.

Tear tired body.

And happy, so happy for a very dear someone who is receiving the good he should have always had. I won't say that to him, sometimes these words "mess with his head". But I feel them. And I'm so incredibly happy. He is...quite something, to me.
I'm still...so surprised. Only not.

Not surprised that he's something. He always has been, even back in the day, the unsure leader, wary but courageous, a smile on his face, doubt in his eyes. A softness protected by razor edges. A bit expectantly unpredictable, blunt honesty tempered with insecure sincerity.

What surprises me?

Everything.

No analysis.

Goodnight.