update

Got a wild hair a couple nights ago, did all the painting.

This morning, figured out the closet doors, this afternoon bought the stuff. Tonight, the rest of the hardware will come out, holes patched, then paint and done.

I'll list next week.

This is a major deal. I've always planned this. It will sever all ties, except the girls, with my former spouse. I haven't held on to the house because of any reason other than blank necessity. I'm beyond done with this. I'm grateful, but I'm done.

God, I feel freedom from his influence already.

Because behind all of his pretty talk, he continues to be bitterly angry at me for the same unknown reasons that I never understood before and has just shown me that he is still willing and able to thrust his blade of cold cruelty into my sense of calm and accomplishment, for no reason other than to make certain that I know, and never forget, just how fallible I am.

Attempting to control me and manipulate me through pain and fear into conforming to the idea that he feels I should be, has always felt that I should be, that I have never been.

Incredible...to walk away from that, leave it behind me, leave the ghosts of his anger at me for all that I am. Everything that I was that always he knew about but hated...my music, my humor, my dreams, my hopes, my reading, my fears, my strength. I know that sounds immodest, but it isn't. I'm not saying that those things of mine are awesome, just that what they are they are, and how they are he seemed repulsed by. You'd think I was the one who left, except that my forgiveness and acceptance of his stuff has always, ALWAYS, angered him. But to be free from that, in all ways and not just in myself, but really. REALLY.

School. I could go to school part-time, work part-time, an idea from a someone, who matters. I could  plan for a future of working without physically crippling myself. Pay off the credit card, financial planning, help older daughter with school, pack money into a retirement account...who knows.

So much is already packed.

Garage sale, more furniture to sell...

It'll probably be an apartment for awhile, maybe not. I'd love a yard still...a garden again.
Anyway. All in it's time.

The point is, it's been a major hurdle, a pinnacle to achieve. And it's happening.

What the future holds, who knows. I'm only looking at now.

And being thankful.