Christmas

Wow.
It's almost Christmas.
Let's see...technically, today is the 14th, so that gives me 11 days.
Up to this very moment, I have not decorated anything.
I have not purchased anything.
I have not made anything.

As of this moment, taking stock of this situation, I feel like crap.

I hate to admit it, but I know that a part of it relates to not having anyone to do anything with on the holidays, no place to go and no money to do anything with. Now, don't get me wrong on that money comment. I am not a money whiner.
I hate the stuff.
Because we have to have it.

I don't rely on it for fun. I have to work so freakin' hard to make any that I try to not spend any at all if I can help it. There are things that are up for grabs in the money department...2 to be exact. Gas for the car (have to drive and love to drive...i can always drive to places that are free, lol) and movies. Not in excess, to me. Maybe 2 a month. Except for this month. There are 3 movies coming out that we are seeing.

But I worry about Emma. I know she's older, she's almost 15 now. But she doesn't like Christmas anymore.

That kinda breaks my heart.

It doesn't have anything to do with the money really...i don't think. We don't buy stuff. We go shopping alot, but it's window shopping. We go to Sephora and play with the makeup, try on anything we want to at any of the clothes stores(you ever tried on a pair of 350.00 jeans from Nordstrom? Don't waste your time. They wouldn't fit a paper doll well), etc. When we need to get clothes for real we do the thrift stores because it's like going through the closet trunk and finding treasures. Anyway...
it's not the money.

I think it might be like it was for me when i was a kid.
Just being lonely.
We don't know any other families that are alone during holidays. It's the 3 of us, usually; me, Shauna and Emma. And we have a good time. But there is this yearning for a party or get together's with friends. I know what just popped into your head, "Well, then, plan the stuff". Oh, trust me, I do. Everybody is booked. Always.
I've even invited people that I didn't even know the names of a few times. We do cookie plates and such and take them around the neighborhood.
Point is, we do try.
So it just dawns on me that Christmas is in 11 days.

I'd better get my ass in gear and figure out how to make this happen.
I can't let my girls hate Christmas.

oh...sigh.