I have to say again, it wasn't the leaving that really that bothered me as much as the fact that he wouldn't admit anything to me yet. I think he had realized that I could make choices and decisions for myself and child, now that he had seperated our futures, and that it was entirely possible that he wasn't going to like what I might choose. At that point, I am sure he knew that it WAS possible that he would have little impact on ANY situation, short of a potential court battle, unless I was willing to work with him. It actually had occurred to me that I was no longer obligated to pay attention to a word that he chose to say. And for the record, we never went that sad route. Never had lawyers, arbitrators, nothing of the sort. It wasn't easy, but we did it all ourselves. Of course, he also wouldn't talk to me about anything, except over text. But that's a different post and not where I am taking this.
I've mentioned before that music became horrifically painful during that time, which was it's own hell. Music is HUGE in my life and to lose it as a form of expression and support at a time when I needed it the most was devastating. But I couldn't listen to anything that was on the radio. Every song at that time was, uncannily so, directly applicable to the situation that I was in.
This was one of the songs...
I heard it again last week and instead of automatically flinching away as I have done, I stopped and listened, and nothing hurt. :)
I'm glad.
Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone
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