Aren't they all?
Today I don't feel any pain at all from the half-marathon on Saturday. :) I also slept well for a couple of nights, totally odd for me.
Yes, I was blue the past couple of days. I am feeling more together now. It's not that the issue has left or the feelings are diminished, I'm just in a better place to deal with them. That's where I'm used to living, in a place that can acknowledge these things but put them aside and let them lie as they are...since I can't do anything about them.
The snow started coming down again during the night, but not in the amounts that I was hoping for. Yes, I want a BUNCH. While I was at work today it continued to snow steadily, at times quite hard. By the time I left to come home it had piled 6" on the car. :) It stopped again, but is supposed to start up during the night and tomorrow. I have gotten some nice pics with my little cell camera. I think it's a good, good thing that I don't have a better camera, I might never come out from behind the viewer again.
I never knew how similar to writing photography is. It's still story-telling, reporting and commenting on events and a moment in time, just in a different way. I've always been a person who sees the picture in my mind and then verbally shares that image. But with photography, the story is in the picture. The challenge is in finding the right moment that expresses the story that you are seeking to tell. Every picture is a story of something, but not always what you are seeing and feeling at that time. And then there are the stories that you never look for or expect, and all of a sudden, it's there. Right in the frame, the most interesting, complex and complete story that you never thought of...and if you're lucky and aware, you grab it. A frozen moment, captured forever. I am beginning to feel the same compulsion with it that writing is...the story is there, in writing. It tells you what it is and you bring it into this realm to exist. A writer doesn't choose to write. A writer writes because the story, whatever it is, demands a voice.
So, the day...
I was fairly sick to my stomach this morning, nervous about going in to work at H&R. There were things that I hadn't been able to do during training and I was flying solo for the first time today. Opening the office, getting everything up and running for the day. Ugh..
.
It went well. After an hour or so and alot of question asking, alot of manual reading and alot of phone calls, payments and appt making, I started to feel a bit acclimated to the roll of this particular ship. My friend and contact ended up coming in for a bit, and while I still handled my job, it was nice to have her there to refer to...although I only needed to a couple of times. It was great to be able to use alot of my library tech skills. :) They are good skills, deeply ingrained, customer service/organizational/etc, and since I can't find a job in a library these days, it's nice.
Got my schedule finally...it'll be a bit tight with the other job, but will work well. :) I'd so much rather be run a bit ragged working right now than not. One, I need the money, duh! Two, it's a new challenge and a great add on the resume, and Three...it keeps my mind off of the things that I can't do anything about. Very, very grateful for that one in particular.
Enjoying searching for a song for somebody...more skills from the library days. Nothing quite like a good old reference research job. I'm revisiting a lot of music that is good stuff and loving the needle/haystack digestion of information. The only thing is that it's taking me through some songs that are very emotional and can be tough to take. I'm still enjoying it, because they are emotions that I have to face and handle. I hadn't realized that I was running from them. I thought that I was just setting them aside for a bit, but I guess that in reality, i was running. I don't want to do that with anything anymore in my life.
My life.
Things really are going so much better right now.
Younger daughter and I are getting along really well...she is doing awesome in school and on track for the plan we put down.
Older daughter is doing awesome in her life. Great job, great relationship...future is bright now.
We've come so far in the past couple of years, it's a flipping miracle. Well, not really...it's taken a buttload of hard, hard, painful work. But at least we've had some results. :)
For my "issue"...it is just what it is. MY issue.
I will deal with it and clean up my mess and nobody will ever know anything different.
Just...timing in life...sucks.
But it's given me hope and a better picture of what I need. Not just want, but need. And now, at least, I know that the particular combination does exist. Not available, probably never will be, but does exist.
Maybe there will that for me. Somewhere. Someday.
So, I can handle the loneliness and I can play it cool. I will be okay, I always, ALWAYS am. And I will keep myself open, even though things hurt, because I refuse to let anything be lost to me due to my walls.
i feel like SUCH a girl!
oh well.
:P
(trying to insert a video but the computer is dragging tonight...will add in morning)
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