I'm sick.
Not morally or anything(no, really), but physically. I don't know why, but when I get a cold I sit up at night and just feel like I'm gonna die. I got to feeling better after about 5 days, and then got slammed again. Same routine. After about 5 days I felt like life might just be mine once more, and whammo. So this is now 2 days into that 3rd cycle and I just could not stay awake today. Went into the doctor finally(i hate doing that)and now have a nice little pile of meds to fight what my body just couldn't do on it's own. Why do I bring this up?

When I got home again I heated up some bean and ham soup. Oh golly. Beautiful. The smell instantly took me back to every kitchen of every house that my mom and I lived in when I was growing up. When I felt crummy, which was often, mom would pop into the kitchen and create sunshine. She had such an ability to transform an empty room into a palace of warmth and friendship, where you couldn't help but feel safe and secure. We lived in some really old houses, some real dives in fact...but once mom got in there, you just couldn't tell. Whether she opened a can or popped a "few little things" into a pot, the house would be filled with a most delicious smell. It just made you feel physically warm all over.

Mom grew up on a ranch in Colorado. It was one of those situations where the ranch had been owned by her grandfather, a well-known and highly respected gentleman in the region...a judge, in fact. But when he passed away, the ranch was sold for some reason and my grandfather, the eldest son, ended up working as a hired hand on the ranch where he was raised. The family lived in a small house, very sparse and bare. Grandpa came down with yellow fever, of all things, and while ill and then after, he was no longer able to do the hard work of the ranch. The family moved into an even smaller house...about the size of my entire kitchen. The children, all girls, were sent to live with other family members from time to time, and one left and lived with some folks who were better off. I'm thinking that it was during these times that my mom learned how to make beauty from nothing and to create an internal flame of security in the midst of a storm. She just had such a gift.

So here I am, without mom and feeling crummy and wishing beyond belief that someone would walk in the room and stroke my hair and whip friendship and warmth up out of the air so that I can just relax into the peace of feeling safe and cared for. Okay, so that's alot to ask of a can of soup, but it helped. I just needed it to be a much bigger bowl!

Thanks, momma. I love ya. And yeah, I took my meds.

...a little person?

Hmmm...
 One of my favorite shows, and of my younger daughter , is Little People Big World. It's a reality-based show that follows the lives of the Roloff family. Matt and Amy Roloff are dwarfs, or little people(lp's)who live in Oregon on a farm with their 4 children. we've  been watching for a couple of seasons, since it started, and I have made a discovery...I am only 2" above the classification limit for an LP. Being 5' even I miss the 4'10" max height qualifier, by the amount shown below in the space between this paragraph and the next.
Not alot of a difference, to me. I've obviously known that I am shorter than alot of folks. Funny thing, in the 5th grade I was the tallest girl in my class! While the other kids continued to grow, I didn't. I waited for years for my final girl growth "spurt" to kick in until I finally accepted the fact that I had "spurted" early and was done. I think I may have edged up another 1/2" at some point but at almost 43 yrs now I am sure it's long gone again. I ruined my feet working long hours as a Library Technician, or Public Service Assistant as it is now called, in high heels before I got smart and wore flats for comfort. I couldn't work well at the desk computers without being on a stool as the counters are generally set at 48" height, but at least I could walk the next morning without my feet cramping all night long. I've always had problems with counter tops being too high, with needing step stools cluttering the house somewhere, with never being able to reach above the bottom shelf of upper cabinetry in the kitchen...items on the top shelf in grocery stores are a major pain to get to, I can't read the price labels on those shelves and sometimes the ones under that. I use kitchen tongs as arm extenders(they work great, btw). I lift my kids up so that they can reach stuff that are above that. And all this time, I never even considered that I could possibly be dealing with a disability. I just thought, and still do, that everybody else is too tall. Hmmmm...so, I find myself totally relating to many of the things that the Roloff's are dealing with. Steps are never the right height, chairs and seats are too high so my lower legs dangle uncomfortably. Car pedals are also an issue, especially with a manual. I HATE to sit so close to the dash and wheel, yet I have to be able to reach the pedals. I can't even begin to tell you how cool adjustable pedals are to me!!!! Yeehaw, was my thought when I first drove a vehicle with adjustable pedals!!!
We're planning on a move to a new house in the next couple of months. One of my major issues is that the countertops cannot, absolutely CANNOT, be as high as they are usually made. I'd like to have the very top of the counter be no higher than 40" max, about 3 1/2 feet. Not sure that they'll do that, most builders look at me funny because cabinets just aren't pre-manufactured at that height, and we aren't doing custom. So I guess we'll see.
Anyway, I am grateful to the new insight I have into my size and my acceptance now. I view myself a bit differently, and that's okay. I, like the Roloff's, feel like I'm living in a world that wasn't made for me, but I am determined to make things happen still. http://mattroloff.com/
If you're interested in learning more about the Roloff's and their story, follow the link: http://mattroloff.com/