it's been tough

'The past few days have been hard to take.
Physically, I'm beat, but I can take that. In fact, it helps with the stress of the rest that I can do little about.
Emotionally, I've had a library thrown at me. I'm ok...enough...I know that I WILL be fine. I'm just a little battered, a little vulnerable, a little scarred. I don't like that, I don't like that it is showing a bit.
Oh well.
All will be wonderful once again, very soon.

Watch "Halestorm - "Here's To Us" captured in The Live Room" on YouTube

Owl

The beginning of my 4th tattoo happened last night. There are 7 total planned, the last is just a small script.
This is the last in the family series. It's an owl, found by my younger daughter, and will have the colors of our birthstones. Owl, my Celtic symbol, also a favorite of my mum's.

Let me just say that thigh tatts freaking hurt.

silence

A full moon night, it brings out the dreamer in me, the romantic child in a woman's form, who still believes in soft songs, sweet words, gentle touches of lips speaking tender words of...anything. With the moon weaving it's magic, the words shared mean little in comparison to the warm feeling of the breath that carries them from tongue to ear.

a full moon night that feels colors, feels rhythms of life, feels the burden of unspoken hopes, bruised realities, the belief that a touch can ignite the spark of passion and heat.

Everything felt, everything thought, everything hoped for, everything dreamed of, everything yearning for release lives in a night like this one. All broken pieces are silenced in the light of the dark sky tonight.

Tonight, everything is possible.

These nights are intoxicating.

The realities are unlikely to measure even close but it's worth the time to sit for awhile inside of the beauty of a night full of a moon.

,,,trying so hard to stay awake and post...
falling asleep

undone

People debate over what every song means. Many of Duran Duran's songs really have no basis, they openly admit that. This one does. What that actually is depends on who is doing the listening, in my opinion. 

Take a listen...what does it say to you?

Duran Duran

Undone

Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed, with a home tattoo,
Happy birthday to you was created for you

(can not forgive from falling apart at the seams
Can not believe you're taking my heart to pieces)

Oh, it'll take a little time,
Might take a little crime
To come undone now

[Prechorus:]
We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me into cry

[Chorus:]
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?

Words, playing me deja vu
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers?

(can not forgive from falling apart at the seams
Can not believe you're taking my heart to pieces)

Lost, in a snow filled sky,
we'll make it alright
To come undone now

[Prechorus]
[Chorus]

(can not forgive from falling apart)
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?
(can not forgive from falling apart)
Who do you need, who do you love?
(can not forgive from falling apart)
Who do you love
When you come undone?
(can not forgive from falling apart)

How can it be, that there are so many people working their lives away and still few of us are getting "ahead" of anything? We work multiple jobs, we work to make enough money to try to live on, forget about trying to bank an excess. We go to school when we're younger, we study, we train, we work...then life happens, usually for us women, we leave the workplace, we cook, clean, care for a husband and his life, for children...then we find ourselves struggling to find a place to be in that outside work world once again. Now, our training is obsolete, but given the chance we could quickly get back up to speed. Trouble is, employers are looking for younger people quite often. So. Off to those multiple jobs, whatever we can find, adding up the hours, juggling and stressing between the places working together(which in my world, this week, they are not and I'm here in bed trying to get to sleep but worrying almost literally sick over the juggling and conflicts), minimum wage and unbelievably grateful that there is work of any kind at all. 
No medical coverage, that's disappearing in this country, soon to be replaced by "Obamacare"...a terrible situation, designed, I am certain, at eliminating our receipt of any income tax refund. But that's another story. It's a subject I'd like to have conversations about, I learned so much and caught some frightening glimpses while working at HR this past season. Where was i? Right. No medical, and being the age that I am and having a few minor things that need watching, I only know that I can't afford to be sick, or injured, at all. No sick leave, or vacation. No retirement. From what I can see, if I stop and look ahead that far, which I generally don't because it looks pretty bleak and things change everyday, is that I'll have to simply keep the harness on and drop in the traces someday. 
I'm not afraid of hard work. I've worked hard my whole life and it's a friend of mine. I worry about not being able to keep it up for 20 more years at the pace that I push it now. 
But, that's looking too far ahead. Just need to focus on the now, the today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. 

A curious thought, what happened to Iran in the news? Election over, poof. No Iran anywhere to be found. It's still there, that I know. Interesting. 

Wish me luck with the jobs and the juggling and appeasing of both, please. 

a night, like any other

it is. A night, like any other night in the life.
Long day working, taking care of business, chores, etc.

Then evening begins...

I walk, listen to the sounds, or my music. I look and frame pictures with my eye. I take many pictures with my phone. 

I smell the scent of the earth in it's season. 

I fight back a small rise of panic at the thought that i will miss a moment of the wonder of this spring, of summer to come. I'm not looking forward to autumn, last year's was so horrible. I'm afraid, actually, of it coming again. 

I talk to the frogs, the ducks, the owls, the bats. I step around the worms, the beetles, the salamanders that come out and move across the road and sidewalks at night.

I pull up my worries from the center of my being and release them to the nether regions. I hone in on the truths that I may be hiding from myself and acknowledge their existence. 

I breathe.
I move. 
Reach.
Stretch.
Feel the burn of pushing hard, harder, working my legs, abs, other bits.

I come home, tend the pets again, putter in house again quickly. 

Upstairs, laundry going, hot water filling a tub, candles lit, lights out, music on. 

a few texts to read, to respond.

Soaking, relaxing, feeling my eyes sink, my body unwind.

Out, laundry switched, whatever else quickly handled. 

Then bed.

It occurred to me tonight that I have somehow stopped sleeping IN my bed. Instead, I sleep ON it. 

I wonder why.

I have no answer.

So, here I am, lying on it. Thinking, writing, feeling...drifting into sleep, wrapped in a blanket. 

ON my bed.