Another loss in my life, another lifeline severed.
I have to begin to wonder what I have done to be on the receiving end of these happenings. What crime against anyone have I committed that must demand these extreme payments? I have had security, companionship, my way of life, my dreams and expectations and now my one own passion taken from me...
I just turned and walked away. To my car, and then drove away.
I feel so betrayed. Almost as much as when I realized that my husband of several years had been cheating.
I know that seems extreme, but that's how it feels.
I just feel numb with the hurt and rejection.
So, I won't be reading those posts. I'll leave them here, though. I guess they can serve as a lesson that anything that you love can be taken, without thought or regard, in a second.
Beyond that, I have no lessons thought out yet.
I'm really not in the thinking stage at this point. I'm in the "go until I fall into sleep from sheer exhaustion so I don't have to think" and to just get going the moment I get out of bed to keep the same from happening. Thought can happen when the physical pain has diminished somewhat. The 2 together are too much to take right now.
Here's my song for this:
Except that I didn't leave the post as it was...just the parts that I want to remember.
If I don't forget these basic things then I won't be caught off guard again.
At least, that's the theory.
Not sure how many more hits like this I will be able to physically take.
Never mind the mental and emotional...honestly, that's been messed with so much that it's all sort of spongy and hasn't had any time to heal back up.
But the physical toll is pretty hard to handle
oh well.
guess i'll see!
