oh, what a day

Oh golly. There are days, and then there are days. In thinking backwards a moment, it's actually been a couple of days. I'm not a huge people fan in general, but I do have quite a large group of exceptions to that rule. What's a rule without an exception or a dozen, right? Anyway, after the past 48 hours I think I must be walking around with some sign flashing on me that says, "GO AHEAD".
Math teacher of youngest daughter. For some reason she has become highly concerned about math scores that are right where she has aimed for them to be. Okay, no problem, we'll pop it up and make it more of a challenge. Nope, I must not understand what she's saying, this is REALLY a critical thing. All attempts to reassure her that my child does indeed know the material but has been given work far below her grade level and so that's why she's performing, in class, at that level go unheeded. Alrighty, fine. Just let her talk, thank her for her concern, agree with whatever she says and make my own plan and let her think it's hers. Whew. Leave meeting completely exhausted by all the good will and interest.

Dear friend affirms my feelings that a situation that I felt I had accomplished very successfully this past spring/summer is in jeopardy of not happening again, much to my heartache. Nothing that I can do at this point except let whatever happens happen. A certain individual that I have had almost NO contact with whatsoever has decided that my behavior is completely reprehensible and I have supposedly perpetrated some heinous crimes against their family. This is, of course, believed by some. I am heartbroken. I do admit that it was a stretch and a laborious thing at times to make sure that I did not behave in anyway that would be seen as unfriendly or non-supportive, but I felt that my actions and words were kind and that my motives were above board. I worked hard to make things be alright in whatever way I could and I find that it has slapped me in the face. Ouch. So what's at stake? An opportunity to be a part of something again that I found so fulfilling and worthwhile. And what can I do? Nothing at this point. At least I know that what I thought was going on IS indeed going on.

Yesterday was my birthday. A week or so ago I sent my brother an extremely belated bday gift. I felt so bad, and stupid, that it was late when I had it purchased and packaged well before his actual bday. Bless his heart, really, he sent a Thank You email early this morning, and a Happy Bday message. Groan. In between the words of not liking that item so giving it to daughter, not knowing grandparent that reference was made to, appreciating the thought but why spend that on postage, etc, was a major thing, the email itself. 2 in 5 years or so, so along with the "ouch" "Ouch" "OUCH" was a happy happy spark that I mattered enough to rate a personal message.

And the move. The house is on track for closing on time, the move away from the land and the gardens and the life that I would love to love is going to happen. I can't even process it, to be honest. It hurts. I wake up crying, and my heart hurts. I actually feel like a bad breakup is happening. I have to figure out something to do with my beloved elderly blind pony mare. I can't just dump her, I can't. It goes against everything that is me. I can't dispose of living things just because they aren't convenient anymore. I have a responsibility and my commitment to this is part of what makes me who I am. So I'm racking my brains and praying and researching to find ideas of how to make this work. I have homes for the chickens, so that's done. Hurts, but I have some assurances of their futures being happy, so I can be alright there. I haven't found a home for Stevie, our aussie, 'cause I can't dump her either. She's been here since she was 8 wks old and she's 8 yrs now. She's a great girl, friendly, smart, loving. I want to keep her. I want to keep Abi. I want to keep my husband also. So I have to break my heart to keep my heart. Oh golly. I do not know what to do. And I have to figure it out on my own.
My name means, "the reaper". Not as in "GRIM", but as in to harvest. My sun sign is Sagittarius, the sign of expansion. Fire but flexible. The half horse, half human, almost the oldest in the lineup of the astrological signs.Spiritually I know that I am one of God's children. I seem, so far in my 4+ decades, to not have alot of harvesting going on, but alot of making do with the leftovers. Maybe my name should mean, "the gleaner"?

So what do we do? What I should do? There isn't always a compromise, there isn't always a way to make things happen the way they should. Some things just are what they are.

And I think they kind of stink right now. Like a rotting skunk.

a quote is a quote is a quote...

Omigosh! These are great quotes. I love to browse through quote books and scoff, mock or praise the words found there. :D I like all of these. Thanks to the quotepage for the fun.

Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.

Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964), Taken Care Of ,1965

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright (1876 - 1944)

I happen to feel that the degree of a person's intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting attitudes she can bring to bear on the same topic.

Lisa Alther, Kinflicks, 1975

Complaining is good for you as long as you're not complaining to the person you're complaining about.

Lynn Johnston (1947 - ), For Better or For Worse, 11-06-03

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.

Patricia Neal

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

William James (1842 - 1910)

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.

William James (1842 - 1910)