Moves Like Jagger ~ BOOM baby (explicit edition)

Secret...beautiful song

Love Maroon 5

Secret, put to clips from the movie, "The Wedding Date"

Lyrics below clip

Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off we go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road

Car overheats
Jump out of my seat
On the side of the highway baby
Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please don't ever let go Oh No

[Chorus:]
I know I don't know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh No they can't

I'm driving fast now
Don't think I know how to go slow
Where you at now
I feel around
There you are

Cool these engines
Calm these jets
I ask you how hot can it get
And as you wipe off beads of sweat
Slowly you say "I'm not there yet!"

[Chorus x2]

ummm...

Who even reads these things?

Have you ever had anything that you want to say, to talk about...and you can't? There isn't anybody to tell that you CAN tell? There isn't any place to say it and just have it out. You want to talk about it but you're just stuck?

WHY am I always in that position?

:/

So, here in some type of code, is what I want to say and can't:

es fu gy dk nc wk vm iu me kv nh xf yb lv zk nh uy mo wb fx jn wc ba nk vf rv jb hv uk uy pl vr ma xm lz db jh fv nh tl vf ku gp dg bf xh mh ud rd cv ah ma gy yl ko pj xk ko

If You Seek Amy...

Yeah...it makes sense...to me.

Not even going to go into that, lol~

Hate Myself...not really, lol

Midnight gettin' uptight Where are you

You said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two
I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you
Hey Jack It's a fact they're talkin' in town

I turn my back and you're messin' around

I'm not really jealous don't like lookin' like a clown

I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why

I hate myself for loving you





Daylight spent the night without you

But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do

I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through

Hey man betcha you can treat me right

You just don't know what you was missin' last night

I wanna see you beggin', say forget it just for spite


[ I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart then you took my pride away



I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why

I hate myself for loving you

I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why

I hate myself for loving you

I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart then you took my pride away



I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why

I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself

For loving you




Til the World Ends

See the Sunlight

We Ain't Stoppin' Til the World Ends

And so it goes...away

I am heartbroken.
Another loss in my life, another lifeline severed.
I have to begin to wonder what I have done to be on the receiving end of these happenings. What crime against anyone have I committed that must demand these extreme payments? I have had security, companionship, my way of life, my dreams and expectations and now my one own passion taken from me...

 I just turned and walked away. To my car, and then drove away.
I feel so betrayed. Almost as much as when I realized that my husband of several years had been cheating. 
I know that seems extreme, but that's how it feels.
I just feel numb with the hurt and rejection.
So, I won't be reading those posts. I'll leave them here, though. I guess they can serve as a lesson that anything that you love can be taken, without thought or regard, in a second.
Beyond that, I have no lessons thought out yet.
I'm really not in the thinking stage at this point. I'm in the "go until I fall into sleep from sheer exhaustion so I don't have to think" and to just get going the moment I get out of bed to keep the same from happening. Thought can happen when the physical pain has diminished somewhat. The 2 together are too much to take right now.

Here's my song for this:

Except that I didn't leave the post as it was...just the parts that I want to remember.

If I don't forget these basic things then I won't be caught off guard again.

At least, that's the theory.

Not sure how many more hits like this I will be able to physically take.

Never mind the mental and emotional...honestly, that's been messed with so much that it's all sort of spongy and hasn't had any time to heal back up.

But the physical toll is pretty hard to handle

oh well.

guess i'll see!

This one's for you and me...

mummer's dance

For all of the metal and techno that i listen to,

all of the noise that i fill my life with sometimes...

THIS

is what lives inside of me.

I feel it pull from the center of my being ~

The indefinable pull towards a home unknown still.

I feel the wind drag against me, I smell the water in the air~

I hear the sounds of the leaves and the rocks as I walk through them and

see the textures in the layers of the land and sky around me.

Somewhere inside, this home lives and it calls to me daily.

I have dreams full of the searching, looking through all the streets, woods,

alleys and homes that I come across, waiting to see if the feeling is right...

Someday, I pray, I will find it. And I will know. Because it will be home to me.

But I can tell you, it feels like this song. So for now, I will live in this.

addiction and recovery

Some debates as to the meaning of this song,

but to me it's a story of addiction and the choice to recover~

Foster the People

Helena Beat



classic...beyond.

This still cracks me up after all these years!

Yeah, I saw it when it originally aired.

YOU can just be quiet. Now.

Enjoy ~

JT says it right...

Not even kidding, JT...

Karma will get you every time, believe it or not~

let me paint this picture for you...

tale as old as time

I thought I told ya

what goes around...comes back around

right. back. around.

Kiss Quick ~ Matt Nathanson

Beautiful Song, Beautifully Delivered

I love Matt Nathanson's voice, his lyrics, but mostly, I love his delivery. He sings his songs from his very being, I don't see how anyone can hear him and not be drawn right in.

This year, all but disappeared,
bought into fairy tales,But sleeping beauty just
kept score and tried to sleep more
She said "I'm not quite, myself tonight,
But the way you touch me, oh, makes me tongue tied,
That could be the wine too."

Kiss Quick, I've got a line out the door
Who all think they can save me.
One by one they lay the world at my feet,
One by one they drive me crazy.

She said "I know Love,
and it's all push and shove,
so stop talking
and put your back into it."
Loaded, oh my hands shook to hold it
I turned her body on, I turned her body on myself.

Kiss Quick, I've got a line out the door
Who all think they can save me.
One by one they lay the world at my feet,
One by one they drive me crazy.

Shut your mouth,
Pull me out, before this all goes grey.
One by one they lay the world at my feet.
One by one they go away.

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Come on, come on, come on.
Kiss quick, I've got a line out the doorWho all think they can save me.
Oh, one by one they lay the world at my feet.
One by one they drive me crazy.

Shut your mouth,
Pull me out before this all goes grey.
One by one they lay the world at my feet.
One by one they go away.
They go away.
They go away.

Sell my blood for money,
baby, baby.
And I love how it feels.

This year, all but disappears.

Reached a conclusion...or just acknowledging a fear...

This hasn't been chased to ground like the majority of my posts...always edit/edit/edit...but I have to write it. Now.

I have reached the rather frightening conclusion that I may very well be alone for the rest of my days. Alone as in a relationship kind of way.

Firstly, the odds are definitely against me. I'm of a certain age, and the men in my age bracket are either already involved(either with a long-time spouse or a much younger woman) or definitely single for very good reasons. The men who are older are, well...they are getting into that "older" stage, and I feel very young inside still. There are many experiences I still want to take on in life, and I'd like to have my companion with me. I spent so many years alone while married, I don't want to do that anymore. And the younger men are all very young. They don't look at a woman my age in that respect. So for all of that, I'm screwed.

Secondly, I think that I may be a bit too "all over the map" for anyone. This isn't a brag or a pity thing, just an observation. I sometimes can't keep up with myself. If you take things astrologically I am a dual sign, horse/human. I often feel that there are 2 very different parts of me. I see both sides of almost all situations easily, I test as having a mixed dominance in my brain strengths (not predominantly left or right brained, but a fair mix of both). My tastes in music, art, religion, books, clothing are of no set catagory, i like both ends and some of the middle. I am very conservative on some issues and extremely liberal on others. I hold no allegiance to a political party...among many other things. I believe the "nice" word that is used sometimes is eccentric. That conjures images of a freaky, fuzzy headed loony woman living in a victorian house surrounded by african statues and 95 cats. And she's alone(except for the statues which probably talk to her and the 95 cats, all named). 

I finally had reached a point where I felt that I could share all of the sides of me with a man, almost...not around, is he? So another part of me is fairly terrified to give that a try again. Worked out so well, after all.

But I don't want to live just showing little parts of myself anymore. I want to be quirky and serious, a seeker and a wise-ass. I want to be a little kid sometimes, and I want to be mystified by the sea and mountains. I want to see the magic in a bird's song and then shove someone into the lake(not to be mean, of course. I'm really NOT a mean person). I don't want to hide who I am, whoever that is. And I don't want to be alone. 

So how does that work? That's where I am. I don't think it does. I haven't yet met a man who is willing, or able, to accept all of that in anyone, much less me. I am unremarkable, not the kind of woman to inspire great feats of courage or humor. Not the kind to create a testosterone fueled show-off session. And I think that only a woman who can bring those basic and primitive qualities in a man to the surface is one who could get away with such a dream as mine. 

I truly do feel that I have to let it go. Just, letting it go seems like a type of death to me. Part of me will literally wither and die. That hurts. But trying to keep the hope alive is hurting more right now. 

See? Can't just be on a specific side of this issue either. I want it all. 

And there it is. Maybe I'll clean this post up later. Maybe I'll just leave it like this, raw and right off the keyboard. Maybe I'll find a song to go with it. But at least it's out of me.