Hey there
It's been so long since I updated my page. I feel like I really let something slip 'cause this is a good barometer for me to check in and see how I'm doing and really feeling about stuff. Yeah, it really is just all about me, so that's your cue to cut and run if you want! :D

Pres. Hinckley's passing tossed me for a loop. Things were so tough for me with this doggone move and trying to stay in the groove with Em's school stuff, planning Shauna and Shawn's wedding, struggling to get the costuming for Beauty and Beast off the floor and into the air, and then finding out that my inlaws were coming back...oh golly. It's no wonder that the shingles were quickly followed by a fairly lengthy fight with whooping cough. Omigosh. What a hideous illness. It's not just coughing, it just feels like you're dying. Can't breathe, can't talk, can't sing, can't eat, can't sleep...but that's out of the way now, BATB opened this weekend and everyone is basically clothed, inlaws are only here for another month, it's summer break and this place is starting to feel like home. Oh yeah, and my gorgeous daughter and her fabulous husband are happy and healthy and I find so much joy in them, both as individuals and as a couple.

Masoud and I are at times alright and at times in seperate dimensions. He drifts in and out and here and there, so it's hard to stay together. Oh well.

Emma is great, enjoying her summer and loving the whole performing thing. She is already planning on her audition for next year's show, which is The Music Man. Fun little intense bug that she is. What a crack up.

Meeting some really great people through the show this year, and love reconnecting with the others. Most of them I was able to stay pretty connected to throughout the few months we were away, which is always good for me. When I invest time and energy into people I have a sad time of letting them go. The winter was tough enough, so I was spared this year, for the most part. The leads this year are amazing and super talented, but also super personable and enjoyable just as they are, or as they are to me. We have the genius boy-wonder playing The Beast(Brian Earp), gracious, intelligent and genuine. The beautiful and melodius Belle, Elise Campello( a real firecracker, don't let her dimunitive size fool you!), Logan Benedict as the ego-maniacal Gaston, focused, talented and funny as all get out, Carol Swarbrick, who is our Mrs Potts...in my self I call her "courage". I will miss her intensely when this show is put to bed. Charlene Niemeyer as Babette...can't typecast this beautiful lady at all. She plays the hot tot duster, but in her life she is a pastor's wife and a mother and so kind and gracious. Bob Nydegger as our Maurice, a little more rambunctious this year, but still Bob. Kevin Cobley as Cogsworth...I just love him. He's super fantabulous, and yes, that IS a word. Cheryl Phillips is Wardrobe and while I was worried at first, she is a sweet thing. I have to admit to being scared of people for the most part, especially when I first meet them. Always a puppy, I want to wag and be happy, but that sometimes backfires. Then there is Mo Brady. We've always got a little torch and this year that's Mo. He plays Lumiere. He's funny and sometimes a little sad it seems, but jolly good fun. Lots of young people in this show, bright and lovely people. I am constantly in awe of the talent that they have and their willingness to share it with others. There is little jealousy or envy that is exhibited...I think that the youngest ones have the hardest time, especially this year as there isn't a lot of stretch room for them in this show. Ah well.

This coming school year, jumping subjects now, I am going to be spending time on the PAC for Homelink. That's the Parent Advisory Committee. I really didn't want to do any committee stuff for awhile, it's so much less interesting as actually DOING something, but we love Homelink and all that it has given to our family, and it seems like the appropriate and right thing to do, for me to serve and give back in this way. Em will be in middle school, if I can ever believe that. WOW.

So it's good to be back on, and I'll be posting more often again. I have some great things about the history of this new area where we live and stuff about things I've pursued in the past few months(such as The WASPs in WWII, creative writing again, putting together lesson plans for a middle school aimed class dealing with life at the turn of the 1900's...just 'cause it seemed like fun to do...)

love to all
teri

The Passing of a Great Man

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, this morning finds me with a huge sense of loss. Our much beloved Prophet, President Gordon B Hinckley, passed away last night at the age of 97. While his death cannot be said to come as a surprise to most of us, with his age and his health issues of the past couple of years(which he NEVER let slow him down, not one whit), the feeling of loss is quite acute. He was a great man, not just to members of the LDS church, but to the world. He extended his great compassion, wisdom and strength to all the people of this earth for much of his life, and has been an example of the correct and true way for us to all treat each other according to The Savior's commandments. Here follows an official obituary:

SALT LAKE CITY 27 January 2008 President Gordon B. Hinckley, who led The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through twelve years of global expansion, has died at the age of 97.

President Hinckley was the 15th president in the 177-year history of the Church and had served as its president since 12 March 1995.

The Church president died at his apartment in downtown Salt Lake City at 7:00 p.m. Sunday night from causes incident to age. Members of his family were at his bedside. A successor is not expected to be formally chosen by the Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles until after President Hinckley’s funeral within the next few days.

President Hinckley was known, even at the age of 97, as a tireless leader who always put in a full day at the office and traveled extensively around the world to mix with Church members, now numbering 13 million in 171 nations.

His quick wit and humor, combined with an eloquent style at the pulpit, made him one of the most loved of modern Church leaders. A profoundly spiritual man, he had a great fondness for history and often peppered his sermons with stories from the Church’s pioneer past.

He was a popular interview subject with journalists, appearing on 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace and on CNN’s Larry King Live, as well as being quoted and featured in hundreds of newspapers and magazines over the years. During the Salt Lake Olympics of 2002, his request that the Church refrain from proselytizing visitors was credited by media with generating much of the goodwill that flowed to the Church from the international event.

In recent years, a number of major developments in the Church reflected President Hinckley’s personal drive and direction. In calling for 100 temples to be in operation before the end of the year 2000, the Church president committed the Church to a massive temple-building program.

In 1999 — 169 years after the Church was organized by its founder, Joseph Smith — the Church had 56 operating temples. Three years later that number had doubled, largely because of a smaller, highly practical temple architectural plan that delivered these sacred buildings to Church members in far-flung parts of the world. Many more Church members can now experience the sacred ceremonies that occur only in temples, including marriages for eternity and the sealing of families in eternal units.

President Hinckley was the most traveled president in the Church’s history. His duties took him around the world many times to meet with Latter-day Saints in more than 60 countries. He was the first Church president to travel to Spain, where in 1996 he broke ground for a temple in Madrid; and to the African nations of Nigeria, Ghana, Kenya, Zimbabwe and Cape Verde, where he met with thousands of Latter-day Saints in 1998. In 2005, he traveled nearly 25,000 miles on a seven-nation, nine-day tour to Russia, South Korea, China, Taiwan, India, Kenya, and Nigeria.

At a general conference of Church members in April 2001, President Hinckley initiated the Perpetual Education Fund — an ambitious program to help young members of the Church (mainly returning missionaries from developing countries) receive higher education and work-related training that they would otherwise likely never receive.

Closer to his Salt Lake City home, President Hinckley announced the construction of a new Conference Center in 1996 and dedicated it four years later. Seating 21,000 people, it is believed to be the largest religious and theater auditorium in the world and has become the hub for the Church’s general conference messages to the world, broadcast in 91 languages.

Even before his term as president, President Hinckley’s extensive Church service included 14 years as a counselor in the First Presidency, the highest presiding body in the government of the Church, and 20 years before that as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

President Hinckley was born 23 June 1910 in Salt Lake City, a son of Bryant Stringham and Ada Bitner Hinckley. One of his forebears, Stephen Hopkins, came to America on the Mayflower. Another, Thomas Hinckley, served as governor of the Plymouth Colony from 1680 to 1692.

President Hinckley’s first job was as a newspaper carrier for the Deseret News, a Salt Lake City daily. After attending public schools in Salt Lake City, he earned a bachelor of arts degree at the University of Utah and then served two years as a full-time missionary for the Church in Great Britain. He served with distinction and ultimately was appointed as an assistant to the Church apostle who presided over all the European missions.

Upon successfully completing his missionary service in the mid-1930s, he was asked by Heber J. Grant, then president of the Church, to organize what has become the Church's Public Affairs Department.

President Hinckley began serving as a member of the Sunday School general board in 1937, two years after returning home from missionary service in Great Britain. For 20 years he directed all Church public communications. In 1951 he was named executive secretary of the General Missionary Committee, managing the entire missionary program of the Church, and served in this capacity for seven years.

On 6 April 1958, while serving as president of the East Millcreek Stake in Salt Lake City (a stake is similar to a diocese), President Hinckley was appointed as a general authority, or senior full-time leader of the Church. In this capacity he served as an assistant to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles before being appointed to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles on 5 October 1961.

President Hinckley received a number of educational honors, including the Distinguished Citizen Award from Southern Utah University; the Distinguished Alumni Award from the University of Utah; and honorary doctorates from Westminster College, Utah State University, University of Utah, Brigham Young University, Southern Utah University, Utah Valley State College and Salt Lake Community College. The Gordon B. Hinckley Endowment for British Studies, a program focused on the arts, literature and history of the United Kingdom, was established at the University of Utah.

President Hinckley was awarded the Silver Buffalo Award by the Boy Scouts of America; was honored by the National Conference for Community and Justice (formerly the National Conference of Christians and Jews) for his contributions to tolerance and understanding in the world; and received the Distinguished Service Award from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. In 2004, President Hinckley was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President George W. Bush in the White House.

In March 2000 President Hinckley addressed the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. He also addressed the Religion Newswriters Association and the U.S. Conference of Mayors and twice addressed the Los Angeles World Affairs Council.

President Hinckley wrote and edited several books and numerous manuals, pamphlets and scripts, including a best-selling book, Standing for Something, aimed at a general audience. In it he championed the virtues of love, honesty, morality, civility, learning, forgiveness, mercy, thrift and industry, gratitude, optimism and faith. He also testified of what he called the “guardians of virtue,” namely traditional marriage and family.

President Hinckley married Marjorie Pay in the Salt Lake Temple in 1937. They have five children and 25 grandchildren. Sister Hinckley passed away 6 April 2004.

for more information, please see the official Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints website: lds.org

Clan McCallum...

Part of a multi-post on the history of the Clan McCallum. Too bad I don't have any familial pride, eh? Just for family info, I have traced the line back into the 1700's, in Scotland(no definite locale yet), with John McCallum married to Janet Black. So, here's part 1:

Part 1

The principal family apparently lived in Cologin about three miles south of the town of Oban. An old tradition relates that the Chief had 12 strapping sons and staunchly resisted the efforts of a local laird's wife to entice one away. She therefore put an evil spell on them and there were only three left alive. The father, fearing for their safety, ordered each to fill two saddle bags of goods and he would twist ropes of heather together and they would then set out southwards from home, having loaded their belongings on a horse. They were not to stop until the rope binding the bags separated.

The rope binding the first son's bags together split at Kilmartin near Lochgilphead so he made his home there and to this day there are McCallum families in this area, most likely descendants of this son. Indeed the present Chief of the Clan, Mr. Robin N. L. Malcolm of Poltalloch has his residence at Duntrune Castle near Kilmartin at the edge of a rocky promontory on the shore, near to and overlooking Loch Crinan and having a wonderful view of the lands of Mid Argyll. The old Clan lands have the old Rock of Dunadd where the Scottish Kings were crowned prior to the Stone of Destiny being removed to Scone and later to Westminster Abbey.

The other two (sons) continued their journey southwards until the second son's rope binding broke at the village of Clachan some 12 miles south of Tarbert in Kintyre. He set up home there and to this day there are descendants of the McCallum families, as well as very old gravestones in the local churchyard.

He bade farewell to his brother, who travelled down Kintyre, passing the town of Campbeltown, and eventually saw the sea coming into view. As the sea grew nearer and the rope showed no sign of breaking, he began to fear for his life, but when he was within a hundred yards of it, the rope suddenly snapped, so he set up home at Southend, where the McCallum family have been long established as valued members of the community as millers, blacksmiths and farmers. The late Ronald McCallum was one of the foremost
pipers in the County of Argyll and was for may years personal piper to the Duke of Argyll. Dugald McCallum, Southend, was an excellent blacksmith, skilled in every branch of his trade. The School of Highland Dancing presently run by James McCorkindale and Mary McCallum, has won countless awards at Highland Games and given many thrilling performances to large audiences in many parts of the country.

There are several different spellings of the surname in the few old records which exist of the area. The name may be spelt McAlchallum or McOlchallum or McAlchallam. The prefix "al", meaning "son of" in the Gaelic language, has now been dropped. The earliest names to be found are in the List of the Rebels of 1685.

These were supporters of the Earl of Argyll in the rebellion of that year for which the Earl was subsequently executed in Edinburgh.

Gilbert McOlchallum, residing in Achadunan near the village of Clachan was listed as a rebel on the lands of the Captain of Skipness together with Neil McCallum residing at Achinbreck in the parish of Killean. After the Earl's death, most of the rebels were pardoned, having taken the oath of allegiance, and in 1692 the following were found in various places in North Kintyre, listed as Fencible men:

On the lands of Blythswood and Skipness, Duncan McIlchalame. In Killean parish at Stockadale, John McAlchallum. At Achinbreck, John McAlchallum, and at Ernikell (Arnicle), Duncan McCallum.

The search was continued by checking the Hearth Tax list of 1694 when the Government of the time levied a tax on every house having a hearth (fireplace). At that time all houses were thatched, had few windows, and an opening in the roof to allow the smoke to escape from the fire which was mainly in the centre of the dwelling. This list was found to have several places where there were McCallum families and the following are in North Kintyre, which was then considered to be in the Paris of Kilcalmonell and Lordship of Knapdale.

Happy New Year!!!

Whew. Made it to the new year. I used to hate to celebrate New Year. Really. It was just awful to me, depressing, sense of loss and fear of the future. That all changed after 2005. That was a horrible year...what was it Queen Elizabeth said about the year Charles and Diana divorced? "Horribus Annus"? Can't recall exactly and don't want to research it, but you get the drift. Well, 2005 was horrible in many, most, respects. A few wonderful things did happen, such as my youngest daughter and husband being baptized at the same time, seeing my sister after a few years away...the rest was hideous. I had a serious emotional breakdown as a result, so I looked upon New Year's Eve as the doorway to a new beginning, for the first time. I came down with a terrible cold that afternoon, raw throat, the works, but still had to see the old year out and holler to the neighborhood that 2006 was coming home! :D So, from that point on, I love New Year's. I look forward to it. It is one of my most favorite holidays.
This year the 1st day of the new year was spent in our new home. We still aren't totally moved in, but for the most part we're done. I have some issues, but not with the house at all. We're still friends. I kind of feel like I've lived here a long time. So it's still all good.
New Year's Eve brought some very happy news to us in the form of our eldest daughter becoming engaged to a super dooper guy. I'm so happy for them, so excited for their future and their having found each other. There isn't a perfect fit ever, but they fit pretty darn well.
Today is almost the middle of January already, but I have felt spring in the air the past couple of days. Not warm, but that subtle almost imperceptible change that happens. Maybe it's the animal link in me that picks it up, or the gardener, but it's there. Now, I have no doubt that we'll see some wintery weather still, but it'll be different. I'm excited!
My husband has been painting his garage. Yep, HIS garage. I said it. He has this whole color, pattern thing going on. It looks fantastic, and it's been fun to watch him out there fussing and struggling over it. Now that he has his OWN room, to put his computer in and his games and all, does he spend any time in it at all? Nope. Doesn't it just figure? Like the commuter behind you on the freeway, just pushing pushing pushing...the second you move over and give them the free lane, they back off and won't drive ahead. That's Masoud and his room. Good thing I take a little blue pill to help me not care about that stuff!
I started this year, physically, in an interesting way. Had a terrible pain in my back and shoulder on Christmas day, lasted for a few days. I'm thinking, is my stomache exploding? Am I having a heart attack? Is it cancer? I mean, it was one of the worst pains ever. I felt, truly, like someone was jumping up and down on a bunch of nerves. Then it left. And a day or so later, a rash showed up. Harmless looking at first, then WHAMMO! And then on my back, side, chest...crazy insane itching!!! Yep. Shingles. Oh golly. Don't ever go there. Keep your life balanced so that it doesn't happen. I can't believe how awful this has been! Whine whine whine!!! And then, as if I wasn't already hurting enough, my daughter's cat BITES ME! This kitty doesn't like me in the first place, which I have to be honest and say is unusual. Kitties like me, generally. Anyway, she wanted me to pet her, so she said, but when I did she growled and whirled and bit me. Not a graze, like I'm used to, but a deep tooth sinking bite. I had to pull her tooth out of my hand. Man. Now, cat bites are almost always septic, immediately. I scrubbed the thing and held the skin apart and made it bleed and bleed and bleed, and kept that up for an hour or so. Then came days of scrubbing, pulling, soaking. Fortunately I avoided infection. Crazy stuff. I don't recommend that either.
So that's what's going on this year so far. Got a cold virus brewing so I'm downing the cold-eze and fluids to shorten it's life. Can't wait for springtime to happen!!!!!! :D It's coming, days gettin' longer and it's all good.

oh boy

Oye.
This is the move that will not end. It just keeps going on and on and on...

"Christmas is more than trees and twinkling lights, more than toys and gifts
and baubles of a hundred varieties. It is love. It is the love of the Son of
God for all mankind. It reaches out beyond our power to comprehend. It is
magnificent and beautiful. It is peace. It is the peace which comforts,
which sustains, which blesses all who accept it. It is faith. It is faith in
God and His Eternal Son. It is faith in His wondrous ways and message. It is
faith in Him as our Redeemer and our Lord. We testify of His living reality.
We testify of the divinity of His nature. In our times of grateful
meditation, we acknowledge His priceless gift to us and pledge our love and
faith. This is what Christmas is really about." Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign,
Dec 1997,

"This Christmas, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten
friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write
a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest
your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a
grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand.
Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone
else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your
gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love and then speak it again. Christmas is a
celebration, and there is no celebration that compares
with the realization of its true meaning-with the
sudden stirring of the heart that has extended itself
unselfishly in the things that matter most."

Howard W. Hunter, Ensign, Dec 2002

oh golly

Wow.
So this is just a rant, or maybe a rave. Who knows?
New construction...just what exactly do they mean by "move-in ready"? It obviously doesn't mean that things are cleaned. Nor does it mean that stuff is done. It doesn't mean that paint has been touched up, that tile has been sealed or even that the carpet has been vaccumed! It also doesn't mean that floors have been swept or that sinks have been cleaned, that windows can be seen out of or anything else. A new mystery in life, that's what this is. So I guess that's a rant. 'CAUSE I AM SICK OF CLEANING MY BRAND NEW 'READY TO MOVE INTO' HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't know about the tile, but my skin is totally sealed. And the transfer of tiny random carpet fibers from the floor to my skin is complete. So, my skin is now move-in ready. Too bad there isn't room for the furniture.
On the flip side of this coin, I can tell that I will love this new house. It has a friendly feeling to it. It's a nice, relaxed, well-mannered house, that will grow easily into a family home. I put out the first bird feeder last night, and it fits. There are some houses that don't lend themselves easily to actually being lived in by someone like me as I expect alot out of a place...it has to look nice, behave itself and not make too much work, it has to be a friend to all who enter, to the birds and flowers and little barking dogs. This house will do that. It has that feel to it. It and I will be friends. That is good to know. We waited and prayed for guidance and God has blessed us with the right place. Whew. And thank heaven, literally!

My favorite Christmas Hymn is O Holy Night. I feel that it IS Christmas. Below is the brief history behind the song, followed by the lyrics. O Holy Night The words and lyrics of the old carol 'O Holy Night' were written by Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure in 1847. Cappeau was a wine seller by trade but was asked by the parish priest to write a poem for Christmas. He obliged and wrote the beautiful words of the hymn. He then realised that it should have music to accompany the words and he approached his friend Adolphe Charles Adams (1803-1856). He agreed and the music for the poem was therefore composed by Adolphe Charles Adams. Adolphe had attended the Paris conservatoire and forged a brilliant career as a composer. It was translated into English by John Sullivan Dwight (1812-1893). O Holy Night Christmas Carol Lyrics O holy night! The stars are brightly shining, It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth. Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices! O night divine, the night when Christ was born; O night, O holy night, O night divine! O night, O holy night, O night divine! Led by the light of faith serenely beaming, With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand. O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming, Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land. The King of kings lay thus lowly manger; In all our trials born to be our friends. He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace. Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease. Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we, With all our hearts we praise His holy name. Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we, His power and glory ever more proclaim! His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Coming Soon...

Coming to McIntyre Hall, Mt. Vernon WA, summer of 2008

Disney's BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Presented by The Amazing Lyric Light Opera of the Northwest

http://www.LyricLightOpera.org

Synopsis:

After a handsome but conceited prince treats a
beggar woman poorly, the woman turns out to
be a beautiful enchantress and turns the prince
into a beast. Further, the prince's staff is all
transformed into objects to do with their profession.
The prince is given a magical mirror to view the
outside world. To break the spell, he needs to
learn to love a person for who they are, and get
her to love him before a magical rose loses its petals.
Meanwhile in a nearby village, a beautiful young
bookworm (Belle) feels lonely and out of place.
She lives with her eccentric but kind father,
Maurice. Soon, Maurice goes off to compete at
an inventors' fair but gets lost in the woods and
ends up a prisoner at the beast's castle. Belle
eventually finds the castle and makes a
deal with the beast to let her father go
in return for her staying there with the
beast. As the beast's inner kindness slowly
reveals itself, Belle grows to be in love with
him. However, a jilted, self-centered and
overly-masculine suitor from Belle's village,
Gaston, takes a posse to 'save' her from the
beast. Gaston ends up stabbing the best.
Luckily, when Belle rushes to the beast and
expresses her love for him, he comes back
to life again as a handsome prince.

A Song for Today, Tomorrow and onward...

Incubus - Drive Lyrics

Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh
It's driven me before, it seems to be the way
That everyone else get around
Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

oh, what a day

Oh golly. There are days, and then there are days. In thinking backwards a moment, it's actually been a couple of days. I'm not a huge people fan in general, but I do have quite a large group of exceptions to that rule. What's a rule without an exception or a dozen, right? Anyway, after the past 48 hours I think I must be walking around with some sign flashing on me that says, "GO AHEAD".
Math teacher of youngest daughter. For some reason she has become highly concerned about math scores that are right where she has aimed for them to be. Okay, no problem, we'll pop it up and make it more of a challenge. Nope, I must not understand what she's saying, this is REALLY a critical thing. All attempts to reassure her that my child does indeed know the material but has been given work far below her grade level and so that's why she's performing, in class, at that level go unheeded. Alrighty, fine. Just let her talk, thank her for her concern, agree with whatever she says and make my own plan and let her think it's hers. Whew. Leave meeting completely exhausted by all the good will and interest.

Dear friend affirms my feelings that a situation that I felt I had accomplished very successfully this past spring/summer is in jeopardy of not happening again, much to my heartache. Nothing that I can do at this point except let whatever happens happen. A certain individual that I have had almost NO contact with whatsoever has decided that my behavior is completely reprehensible and I have supposedly perpetrated some heinous crimes against their family. This is, of course, believed by some. I am heartbroken. I do admit that it was a stretch and a laborious thing at times to make sure that I did not behave in anyway that would be seen as unfriendly or non-supportive, but I felt that my actions and words were kind and that my motives were above board. I worked hard to make things be alright in whatever way I could and I find that it has slapped me in the face. Ouch. So what's at stake? An opportunity to be a part of something again that I found so fulfilling and worthwhile. And what can I do? Nothing at this point. At least I know that what I thought was going on IS indeed going on.

Yesterday was my birthday. A week or so ago I sent my brother an extremely belated bday gift. I felt so bad, and stupid, that it was late when I had it purchased and packaged well before his actual bday. Bless his heart, really, he sent a Thank You email early this morning, and a Happy Bday message. Groan. In between the words of not liking that item so giving it to daughter, not knowing grandparent that reference was made to, appreciating the thought but why spend that on postage, etc, was a major thing, the email itself. 2 in 5 years or so, so along with the "ouch" "Ouch" "OUCH" was a happy happy spark that I mattered enough to rate a personal message.

And the move. The house is on track for closing on time, the move away from the land and the gardens and the life that I would love to love is going to happen. I can't even process it, to be honest. It hurts. I wake up crying, and my heart hurts. I actually feel like a bad breakup is happening. I have to figure out something to do with my beloved elderly blind pony mare. I can't just dump her, I can't. It goes against everything that is me. I can't dispose of living things just because they aren't convenient anymore. I have a responsibility and my commitment to this is part of what makes me who I am. So I'm racking my brains and praying and researching to find ideas of how to make this work. I have homes for the chickens, so that's done. Hurts, but I have some assurances of their futures being happy, so I can be alright there. I haven't found a home for Stevie, our aussie, 'cause I can't dump her either. She's been here since she was 8 wks old and she's 8 yrs now. She's a great girl, friendly, smart, loving. I want to keep her. I want to keep Abi. I want to keep my husband also. So I have to break my heart to keep my heart. Oh golly. I do not know what to do. And I have to figure it out on my own.
My name means, "the reaper". Not as in "GRIM", but as in to harvest. My sun sign is Sagittarius, the sign of expansion. Fire but flexible. The half horse, half human, almost the oldest in the lineup of the astrological signs.Spiritually I know that I am one of God's children. I seem, so far in my 4+ decades, to not have alot of harvesting going on, but alot of making do with the leftovers. Maybe my name should mean, "the gleaner"?

So what do we do? What I should do? There isn't always a compromise, there isn't always a way to make things happen the way they should. Some things just are what they are.

And I think they kind of stink right now. Like a rotting skunk.

a quote is a quote is a quote...

Omigosh! These are great quotes. I love to browse through quote books and scoff, mock or praise the words found there. :D I like all of these. Thanks to the quotepage for the fun.

Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.

Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964), Taken Care Of ,1965

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright (1876 - 1944)

I happen to feel that the degree of a person's intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting attitudes she can bring to bear on the same topic.

Lisa Alther, Kinflicks, 1975

Complaining is good for you as long as you're not complaining to the person you're complaining about.

Lynn Johnston (1947 - ), For Better or For Worse, 11-06-03

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.

Patricia Neal

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

William James (1842 - 1910)

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.

William James (1842 - 1910)

I'm sick.
Not morally or anything(no, really), but physically. I don't know why, but when I get a cold I sit up at night and just feel like I'm gonna die. I got to feeling better after about 5 days, and then got slammed again. Same routine. After about 5 days I felt like life might just be mine once more, and whammo. So this is now 2 days into that 3rd cycle and I just could not stay awake today. Went into the doctor finally(i hate doing that)and now have a nice little pile of meds to fight what my body just couldn't do on it's own. Why do I bring this up?

When I got home again I heated up some bean and ham soup. Oh golly. Beautiful. The smell instantly took me back to every kitchen of every house that my mom and I lived in when I was growing up. When I felt crummy, which was often, mom would pop into the kitchen and create sunshine. She had such an ability to transform an empty room into a palace of warmth and friendship, where you couldn't help but feel safe and secure. We lived in some really old houses, some real dives in fact...but once mom got in there, you just couldn't tell. Whether she opened a can or popped a "few little things" into a pot, the house would be filled with a most delicious smell. It just made you feel physically warm all over.

Mom grew up on a ranch in Colorado. It was one of those situations where the ranch had been owned by her grandfather, a well-known and highly respected gentleman in the region...a judge, in fact. But when he passed away, the ranch was sold for some reason and my grandfather, the eldest son, ended up working as a hired hand on the ranch where he was raised. The family lived in a small house, very sparse and bare. Grandpa came down with yellow fever, of all things, and while ill and then after, he was no longer able to do the hard work of the ranch. The family moved into an even smaller house...about the size of my entire kitchen. The children, all girls, were sent to live with other family members from time to time, and one left and lived with some folks who were better off. I'm thinking that it was during these times that my mom learned how to make beauty from nothing and to create an internal flame of security in the midst of a storm. She just had such a gift.

So here I am, without mom and feeling crummy and wishing beyond belief that someone would walk in the room and stroke my hair and whip friendship and warmth up out of the air so that I can just relax into the peace of feeling safe and cared for. Okay, so that's alot to ask of a can of soup, but it helped. I just needed it to be a much bigger bowl!

Thanks, momma. I love ya. And yeah, I took my meds.