Sorry, but it just sums up what i'm feeling.
Life...is...WEIRD
And I just don't have a single clue what's going on with it.
I get up some mornings and send a thought into the universe that I'll be open to whatever good comes to me, and that I will not flinch from anything that must be faced.
There are times when I don't know which of those two things is the hardest to handle. Or to prepare for.
I think that, for me, it's easier to face an enemy, or a negative of some kind, and to handle it than it is to be open to good things. It may sound absurd, but I find it much harder to be willing to open the gates and allow "anything" to come in, willing to absorb and accept.
I find it much easier to put everything into a holding tank and to then analyze at my leisure before allowing an entrance. Problem is that life is so busy that it often just gets stuck in that tank and never looked at again. Or, I just analyze the shit out of it and minimalize all the good down to nothing.
So, I psyche myself up and open my arms, literally, and say that I will accept and honestly nurture every good thing that comes into my life that day.
All the while, trying to not flinch, lol.
And you know what? The times when I release the negative and put the honest, open, sincere thought out, something always happens. Within the hour, generally, and then for a few days after.
Jobs, people, opportunities...
So many wonderful things and people have come into my life. I am sooooo grateful. I have some people that I consider amazing friends that I wouldn't have ever come across before. People that I truly hope stay friends for a very, very long time.
And then things happen that I can't even begin to understand, or talk about.
Can't quite figure that one out yet.
But I am dead tired and have to be up early to open the tax office and then do a shift at the bakery after...
and my eyes are crossing...
goodnight ~
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