Has it been awhile? Yes.
I've been working, a little, writing, a lot, downsizing my stuff, trying to spread love and encouragement.
Holidays have come and gone, spent differently, with different people. Holidays with the young woman who lives here with my girl and I, holidays with a man I love deeply, and his children. Holidays that gave me a taste of what life could be like, a beautiful thing, and terrible all at the same time. Beautiful in that finding myself inside a place that feels like a home I never knew, with people I unknowingly knew, living in a way that feels natural...terrible only due to only being able to touch for a moment and then go back to my respective place and i feel fragmented.
But. Those moments are wonderful.
In navigating my way through the stages of acceptance of this relationship I have dealt with every emotion that I can imagine. Joy, disbelief, terror, peace, passion, caution...all within my own contained space. Terror, sheer, at times mind-blowing terror, at acknowledging that this man was deep inside my innermost places long before I was aware.
I have suddenly become so...well shoot...very tired.