It takes time to really let go.
It takes reminding yourself when you feel your mind and heart holding on...
and each time it takes the symbolic opening of your arms and hands, heart and mind, and releasing all claim and ownership...
each time, there is a ripping ~
this can happen several times a day during the early stages, and it can be tough.
When my marriage was ending, the pain of it literally took me to the floor each time. I simply couldn't stand under the onslaught of agony...my legs buckled and I began to shake. I was surprised at the force of the physical pain and dismayed...so much harder to hide that outward attack from the world.
This isn't like that. If the divorce set the bench-mark, then I think I'm prepared to handle most anything else that can come my way. I know that may seem like tempting the Gods, but I don't. I see it as a recognition of survival and an acceptance of extreme loss.
There is a huge difference, I believe, in having something ripped from you, and willingly releasing it. Some would say that the releasing is the easiest to take, because it is your choice. I disagree. I have been through both, and I say that choosing to let your dreams die, to willingly allow your heart to disintegrate, is much more painful and difficult. In the former example, you can use your anger at being left as a crutch for awhile. In the latter, you have nothing like that to lean against.
And, to be honest, I think that I most likely feel things too deeply. I wish I could change that. I've tried. I can't. So...I let go.
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